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The Most Important Part of Being Good With Girls

A lot guys that are new to game get overly focused on the minutiae of exactly what to say to girls. That’s not surprising. It is important, and it’s one of those “learning bridges” we all cross at some point near the beginning. Plus, there’s a popular, though grossly distorted, misconception that being a player is just about speaking magic incantations that “manipulate” or “trick” girls into sleeping with you. Even though that’s monumentally ridiculous, it’s no wonder that inexperienced guys, upon hearing this, run to quickly learn those tricks. But anyone that’s spent any amount of time actually trying to game girls quickly realizes that it involves way more than a few magical lines you can learn overnight. After all, you can say the absolute “perfect thing” to a girl, at precisely the right time, and still strike out.

Yes, a big part of being good at game is compiling substantial knowledge on what to say to women in different situations and, with practice, developing the skill of endlessly manufacturing your own things to say. That’s the obvious, most visible (even stereotypical) part of being a player. But there’s also a massive intangible, that’s as important—if not more so—to cultivate from the outset: what’s popularly known as “inner game,” but sometimes referred to as “swagger,” “posture,” or “confidence.”

If you asked me to list three things that every successful player has in common, I’d probably list these items (in no particular order, since I think their relative intensity varies from case to case):

1. A High-Quality, Congruent Look. This includes his natural, god-given gifts, but more importantly, how he’s optimized that canvas with tight fashion choices and an appropriate grooming regimen.

2. Air-Tight Game. His ability to say and do cool and interesting things in virtually any situation and around diverse types of people—especially hot girls—and convert those interactions into sex.

3. Some Form of Social Proof . Anything publicly visible that demonstrates he’s accepted by desirable people, has exceptional skills of some kind, or is otherwise more “valuable” as a person (e.g., musical skills, talent, popularity, wealth).

Clearly, all of these build on one another and are closely interrelated. An impressive sense of style will naturally add to a guy’s social proof. Conversely, a guy’s social proof miraculously adds to his looks. Everybody knows various examples of this principle: the rich guy with a hot, young girlfriend or the guy with a hot girl on his arm getting looks from all the other girls in the bar.

But one thing that’s threaded deep into the shag of all three of those traits is inner game. Every successful player has a rock-solid inner game, created by their advances in those three areas. Or, they’ve progressed in those three areas by virtue of their natural confidence and swagger. It works in both directions. It sounds complicated, but it’s a simple idea. When you look good, you feel good. When you feel good, you act like it. Ever notice that when you’re in a happy, upbeat mood you say funnier things and people tend to migrate toward you?

The opposite is also true. Look around: a cool, single guy that’s dressed stylishly top-to-bottom walks around with a different vibe than a downtrodden married sap with an oversized t-shirt, lame cargo shorts, pushing a baby carriage, with his fat wife walking ahead of him. Do you think girls would notice this difference? Of course. Swagger matters.

As you work on learning to say the right things to girls, go to right places, and not making rookie mistakes like lavishing girls with drinks, keep in mind that you should also be working on your inner game. You should always seek out situations, practices, and people that will enhance it. Optimize your look with nice clothes that fit you properly. Do interesting things that will generate fascinating experiences and, by extension, stories you can tell. Cultivate relationships with cool people that add to your cachet and not detract from it.

All of these things will build on your inner game and redouble the power of every one of your player skills.


9 Comments • Posted by tuthmosis in General Advice, How To Get Laid.

How To Buy Drinks For Girls Without Looking Like A Chump

Among the Iron Laws of Game Economics is that: one way or another you’re going to spend money on getting the girl. Chances are you’re already spending serious coin on just getting face time with girls. Whether it’s outrageous cover charges or your silly t-shirt with studded angel-wings painted on the shoulder blades, passive and indirect costs can get significant when you’re systematically going out to meet girls. But setting those expenses aside (because some guys, like me, are quite good at mitigating them), you’re also going to spend money on directly dealing with girls. And, most of the time, that’s going to mean buying drinks.thatforthedrink

It’s best to accept that buying alcohol for girls you’re trying to bang is pretty much a necessary evil. Guys will tell tales about how they didn’t spend a single dollar on a girl and slept with her anyway or, in some exceptional cases, somehow made money in the deal. (In fact, I once spent $1.37 over the course of an entire two-month relationship with a girl, not counting gas money.) But absent those cases, alcohol is often an important factor in getting a girl into bed. Alcohol loosens a girl up, makes her comfortable with you, and makes her more amenable to sex. Even if you don’t pound it that night, having drinks with her builds positive memories of having “fun” with you, which eventually leads to the bang.

Does that mean you should start throwing drinks at random chicks in hopes of getting laid? Absolutely not. In fact, that’ll produce the opposite effect. Unless you buy girls drinks the right way, in the right setting, all you’re doing is crushing money into her vagina—and losing respect in the process. I can’t count the times I’ve seen a guy in a bar buy a random girl a drink, only to get a 10-minute courtesy conversation and nothing else. Girls go to bars and clubs precisely because these venues are among the most advantageous settings for them. For a small fee (or no cost at all), girls get massive attention (something they covet as much as we covet sex), the luxury of turning down dozens of horny guys, and free drinks from chump drink-providers.

Here’s how to avoid becoming a drink-chump:

1. Buy Drinks Only for Girls That Have “Earned It”. Buying drinks for girls you don’t know, who haven’t made any kind of investment in you (e.g., going out on a date), or given you anything (like a kiss) is a sucker’s game. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to impress a girl by buying her things. If a girl has come out with you on a “date,” made out with you in the corner, or bought you a drink earlier in the night, she’s probably earned a drink from you. If a girl has the temerity to ask you for a drink, hit her with a strong wise-crack (e.g., “would you prefer the cash?”) and the rest will take care of itself.

2. “I’ll Get the First Round”. I learned this line when I was first getting into game and it remains, to this day, one of the most powerful in my arsenal. It’s best saved for pre-bang drink “dates.” It communicates two important messages: (1) I’m not a total cheap-ass who won’t buy you anything; but also (2) I’m not your free-refills drinking fountain for the night. I still crack a smile when, after the first round, a girl takes out her purse and asks me what I want.

3. The Power of Sharing Drinks. There are occasions when you’re vibing a girl at the bar, you want to keep her happily buzzed, but don’t want to ruin the interaction (and your cash flow) by buying her a drink. A solid middle-ground is offering to share a drink with her. This accomplishes several things at once: it starts to subconsciously prepare her for fluid exchange with you, it allows you to “critique” the drink together, it keeps her drinking, and it keeps you from looking like a drink provider. Not only that, you can often take turns with her on buying drinks for you to share, further escalating the effects.

As long as you follow these three guidelines, the drinks you buy will help you connect with the girl instead of the other way around.


4 Comments • Posted by tuthmosis in Bars & Clubs.

How Your Best Friends Try To Hold You Back From Getting Laid

One of the best predictors of how well you do with girls is the company you keep.

When I was in high school—and couldn’t score a girl to save my life—I had two core friends, who we’ll call Kenny and Ron, with whom I’d hang out at lunch and talk about painfully lame things like word puns and the latest computer games. One day, Kenny didn’t show up and, after that, started showing up only intermittently. On further investigation, Ron and I discovered that Kenny was secretly hanging out with this ugly girl from math class. Even though we knew she was ugly, we couldn’t say anything because he had gained access to vagina, something that, at the time, seemed as elusive as El Dorado to us. Before long, Kenny started hanging with a new group of guys altogether, each with their own girl. And, not long after that, Kenny upgraded the ugly girl to this dumb bitch I hated, but reluctantly admitted was “kind of hot.” We saw little of Kenny after that, though he would still grace us with occasional courtesy visits and would still sit with us in class sometimes.

I didn’t fully understand what happened until years later. At the time, I remember oversimplifying the situation, “punk-ass left his homies for a girl.” But the truth was, he wasn’t just hanging out with the girl. He had upgraded us too, like he had done with the poor girl from math class.

The newer you are togame, the higher the odds that you have one or more friends like us. Like minds congregate, and the longer you marinate in involuntary abstinence or general uncoolness, the more dead weight you tend to aquire. What’s worse, you reinforce each others’ weaknesses, hindering one another like crabs in a bucket. None of you improve your condition, but could if you only cooperated and madea concerted effort.

At a certain point, I remember taking inventory of my own friends and realizing that I didn’t have a single one that could, and would, approach a group of girls, get laid regularly, or give me any remotely useful advice on women. My friends were now holding me back.

I’ve since learned a lame friend can hinder you in a medley of ways:

1. The Passive Cockblock

When you approach girls he fawns on them, says something stupid, acts nervous, acts creepy, or simply looks goofy. Or, he stands at an uncomfortable distance while you’re talking to girls, saying nothing.

2. The Semi-Intentional Cockblock

Crazed by the prospect of talking to cute girls, he goes for the girl you worked for, like a thirsty wanderer in the desert going for the last bottle of Vitamin Water. He adds a revolting air of desperation, which is girl-kryptonite.

3. Discouraging You or Bringing You Down with Pessimistic Outlook

A lot of your success with women hinges on cultivating an upbeat social mood. This guy kills that in its crib by constantly talking about his failures and poo-pooing the realities of the bar you’re in, “the girls in this city,” or bugging to leave.

4. Imparting an Unshakeable “Stink of Death” on You

Stands there awkwardly, with his drink held tightly against his chest, glaring at the cute girls, all while standing next to you. It’s like hanging a sign around your neck that says “lame and sexless.”

5. Judges You and Your Approaches, Laughs at You

This is probably the worst kind. He claims to know about girls, talks shit when he sees you strike out, but does nothing, making a hard thing harder.

So, if you have lame friends, you have a choice: cut them off completely, try to educate them, or compartmentalize them into a non-girl part of your life. In my experience, trying to teach guys game that haven’t sought it out on their own is an uphill, frustrating, and ultimately fruitless battle. Most guys, unless they’re complete turds, are also not deserving of a complete cut-off.

Best to realize that you need to do what Ken did to me years ago: demote your lame friends and spend more time with guys that can help you advance.


3 Comments • Posted by tuthmosis in General Advice, High School & College.

What To Do If A Girl Says “Is That A Line?”

Is That A Line?If a girl accuses you of using a line, especially right after your opener, she’s not going to fuck you. It simply won’t happen, no matter how much you think you can recover. It’d be like trying to sell an SUV to an environmentalist. Chances are she came out to make men feel small and get free drinks, so therefore you must go over the top and put that bitch in her place.

Here’s what you to say:

“Well it got me laid last week with some slut. I don’t see why it shouldn’t work again.”

Enjoy the embarrassed look on her face as she stews in silence trying to think of a comeback. Then turn your back on her. She’ll think twice before saying that nonsense to another man.

If she accuses you of using lines much later in the interaction, like at the 30 minute point or beyond, she’s telling you to “Be real.” You still got a shot.

Approaching is the hardest part of the game. There is nothing natural or easy about walking up to a girl you don't know and talking to her in a way that makes her laugh, builds attraction, and ends with her giving you her phone number.

After approaching hundreds of different girls with all types of openers, I finally settled on two that are my "defaults," meaning they are powerful enough that I can use them regardless of the girl or the environment. I share them in my book Bang, along with others you can use for bars, clubs, daytime spots, and even the gym. It has 64 pages on Early Game that focus exclusively on the approach and what to say immediately after. I share dozens of conversation tips with tons of word-for-word examples, and I also teach you the concept of threads to keep the interaction going without having awkward silences.

You can take the time to make up openers on your own, experimenting over the next several months, or you can learn mine and get started using something that works off the bat. If you want to learn my favorite natural openers that are easy to use and actually work, click here to learn more about my book Bang today.

Leave a comment • Posted by Admin in Approaching, Bars & Clubs.