In a couple days you call her up and leave a voicemail. One hour passes with nothing, but you’re still confident. But then two hours, three hours, and then four hours. Still nothing. You check your voicemail anyway just in case she called but the phone didn’t ring. Your chest sinks when you hear “No new messages.” What happened? Why didn’t she call you back?

You’ll never know. You can sit there and analyze and dissect the entire interaction and make a guess what went wrong but it’s pointless because you’ll never know the real reason. There nothing you can even learn from a situation like this because in fact you did build attraction and she did give you the number, perhaps very enthusiastically.

When I started in the game, only one in ten girls called me back. I was certain it was the voicemails I was leaving, so I tried all sorts of craziness, including not leaving a voicemail and calling from different numbers. But nothing changed.

It has very little to do with the voicemails your are leaving because of one reason: she has decided whether or not to call you back before you even pick up the phone. So in the cases where she didn’t call you back, you were already dead in the water before your dialed her number. Crazy I know.

The bad news is that if she doesn’t call you back it’s done. The second call will not help (believe me I tried) and neither does texting. I’ve experimented with sending a girl a text: “What, you met someone cooler than me already?” Sometimes they write back but I still don’t get them out. I’ve never in my life got out a girl who didn’t respond to my first call. Forget about it.

It was about a year in the game when I noticed a change. Instead of 1 in 10 girls calling me back, it was more like 1 in 5. I had no idea at the time what I was doing differently, besides knowing that my game improved a bit.

Understand: A girl calling you back has more to do with desire than anything else. If she wants you then she will call you back, and the only way to make a girl want you is to have tight game that builds attraction. If girls are not calling you back, don’t look at your phone game, but look in the first five minutes of the interaction with her. Improve that and you will get more callbacks. And improving that takes more approaches, more attempts, and more practice. There is no secret to it.

Right now as I write this I get 3 out of 4 callbacks, which is a seven times improvement from when I first started, but you’ll still notice that at least 1 out of 4 girls still doesn’t call me back. That means I eat the time I spent with her and was better off escalating as far as I can, even at risk of appearing a little slimey. And just because she calls back there’s no guarantee I will bang. That’s why I want you to think not about how to get girls to call you back, but how to bang girls without having to worry if they are going to call you back or not.

But if it is necessary to get her on the phone, to leave that first voicemail and to have the conversation which leads to the date, consult Bang (pages 76-83) for instruction and advice on getting her out. If you don’t have Bang then click here to learn more.

Roosh,

In Miami most of my potential victims have little or no english skills. My spanish is borderlines on caveman, but I understand plenty and are able to get me needs understood. What do you think?

My Answer:

Four options:

1. Learn Spanish. Go to Isohunt and download the Pimsleur Spanish courses
2. Bring along a prop. Maybe a dog? Tarot cards?
3. Set up a crude palm reading stand. I image that would be fun
4. Find a new place to meet girls!

I feel your pain though: you have this untapped supply of women and you can do nothing about it. I had this same problem in South America but i was doing this in bars and clubs. The music made the pauses less painful and there was alcohol and a dance floor to help things. I found that a digital camera to show them pictures showed my value while continuing the interaction.

Approaching is the hardest part of the game. Unless you know what you are doing it will take hundreds of tries to get master it through trial and error (I should know because that's how I learned). If you're working on your approaching skills then check out my book Bang, which tells you how to do it from start to end. Click here to learn more...

I’m writing this a day after I got the number of an 8/8.5 (according to my friends rating) who was walking alone late early Tuesday evening in Washington DC. Let me explain how I did it so you can go out there and do it yourself. While you’re reading see if you can pick out the pattern to why it worked.

I spot a very cute girl walking towards us from the opposite direction. The time was around 8pm. My two friends didn’t know I was going to approach her so they sort of drifted off to the side and talked amongst themselves fifteen feet away while the whole thing happened.

I stopped when she was about five feet away from me and said, “Hey, do you by chance know a good place to hang out around… a bar that has more than five guys?”

She smiles and comes to a stop. Then she starts throwing out the name of bars. I playfully shot down all her choices as not being cool and fun enough. In fact I already knew all the bars in the area.

After about 90 seconds of talking about places to go, I said, “Well, me and my friends are looking for a bride, a cool chick that maybe we can marry hopefully soon. We were hoping one of these bars would do it.” She laughed. Then she mentioned one more bar name. I said, “We just came from around there and it’s pretty dead tonight. But actually you know what… I saw you walking and just wanted to flirt with you.” She gave off one of those ‘A-Ha I knew it!’ smiles.

The energy of the conversation changed for the better and without too much of a pause I asked her where she was coming from. I completely dropped my initial intention of looking for a bar and just kept the conversation going like I would if I started talking to her inside one.

I played two quick and fun guessing games:

First: “Judging by your accent, I’m getting a half-German and half-Norwegian vibe.” If you’ve read Bang you’ll see I adapted an opener for use as a routine. She says no, she’s actually from New York, and I smile and say, “Are you sure? I don’t know, maybe a little Russian too.”

Second: “And by the way, how old are you?” She replied, “Old enough to get into a club.” I said, “Haha wait wait, you’re that young? No really…” She says 20. You’ll never meet a young girl who doesn’t like an older man, so I played it up instantly. I said, “Well I hope you like older men, because I’m greying over here.” She said, “Actually I do.”

I ask her where she is going and tell her to join us later if she has a fake ID. I add, “Well if I don’t see you tonight, next time I come out I can text you so we can meet up.” This is a “soft” close in that I don’t explicitly ask for the date like I would normally do. It’s one of those judgment calls you’ll make, but based on my experience and her vibe it seemed like the best option. She asked me for my name and I asked for hers and then I took out my cell phone. She told me her number. We talked for about seven minutes total.

If it looks easy that’s because it was easy. Only thing is that it’s rare to see very attractive girls walking like that in DC alone. So guys only do street game approaches on Friday or Saturday nights on drunk girls in big groups. You won’t get anywhere doing that and that’s where many guys develop a “Street game doesn’t work” belief.

Let’s identify the key reasons why my approach worked.

1. DISARM. The street has a lot of crazies, so you need to disarm her in the first second and let her know you are just a cool guy. You do this with very relaxed body language, talking slow, and asking for help. It’s hard for anyone to resist helping someone, and if you’ve ever been a tourist in a strange land you’ll understand the human desire to be helpful. This is our “in.”

2. GET OVER THE HUMP. In street game there is a 30 second hump. If she stops to talk to you for half a minute then she can stop and talk indefinitely. I shot her bar choices down so the clock would keep ticking.

3. MAKE HER LAUGH. It doesn’t have to be with great jokes, but you need to keep the energy light and fun, like you would in any other pick up. I used the “bride” joke which I made up on the spot (and actually have used since then). A couple jokes are okay but don’t turn this into comedy hour. When she recommended bars, I would say something like, “Oh that’s too yuppie” or “Hmm yeah that bar has scary people in it.”

4. BOLD MOVE. Every street game approach needs the bold move, a statement of intent which tells her that you are not actually looking for help but want to get to know her. You must make this shift!! Or else it will come across as weird that you need help and all of a sudden asking for her number. Note that we don’t necessarily do this in bar game (instead we just start touching).

“Roosh, but isn’t this more of direct game? I thought you only advocate indirect game.”

Street game is one of those exceptions, but keep in mind that saying you want to flirt with her is barely direct. It’s not like saying, “Actually I saw how beautiful you were and I just had to talk to you.” That’s too much. If you don’t know how comfortable you feel telling her you wanted to flirt with her, try this instead: “Actually I saw you walking towards me and I just wanted to talk to you.” Same idea. If you already sense some attraction, like I did, going a little more direct gives her that warm-and-fuzzy feeling inside, where she thinks, “Yes! This random guy who I think I like probably likes me too.”

5. BUILD ATTRACTION. Once you are done with the statement of intent, build the attraction a little more with teasing. To set the stage for that, ask basic questions about herself, or do guessing games like I did.

6. CLOSE. This is where you use your initial opener to close her. For example say it’s during the day and on your college campus you ask for the best place to have ice cream. When it’s time to close say, “Well I have to to run, but how about some time soon we try so-and-so ice cream shop.” If you asked her for a pizza place, then you would ask her if she wants to have pizza some time. It feels natural that you called back your initial question. I used bars on this girl, so for me it was saying to hang out for a drink.

It’s not a bad idea to go for the instant date. I asked my girl where she was headed and she said to meet up with friends, so I knew there was no instant date. If your girl doesn’t seem to be doing anything then ask her if she wants to join you for the ice cream, the pizza, or the drink. If she declines, say, “That’s fine, how about some other time?” If she agrees, take out your cell phone. If you’re talking to a girl for at least three minutes on the street you’d be a fool not to go for some sort of close. Just pull the trigger and go for it.

This is as easy as it sounds. Go out and do it.

If you’re looking for some more help on how approaches are structured and what to say during the conversation, then I recommend my book Bang. It has 64 pages on Early Game that focus exclusively on the approach and immediate conversation. I share dozens of conversation ideas and teach you the concept of threads to keep things going without having an awkward silence. For more on the book click here…

I need some advice regarding a girl i just met, and i have no clue what to do now. so this is what has happened so far. i was out with some friends this past friday night at some random club, and a group of girls were walking right by us. i tapped the girl who was right next to me and used my new opener, which has been working great. “hey…my friend thinks you’re italian…i think you’re irish…who’s right?” she smiled and said “im irish”.

so we began talking a little and i asked her if she wanted to dance. she agreed and we began grinding (we were standing by the dance floor anyway). while we were dancing, i held her tight and put my face next to hers…i could feel it happening. within moments we were making out, tongue and all.

i asked her if she wanted to sit down, and we went to some nearby bench and began making out heavily, and i was rubbing my hand down her entire leg..and thigh. she asked me if i wanted a shot of tequilla and we went ahead and got one. we came and sat down again and made out for a while, and this time i put my hand into her skirt and attempted to do some finger action. she said “you know im on my period…” so i laughed and slowed down.

i asked for her number and she gave it to me. so we continued kissing for a while and talking. i asked her what she found physically attractive in a guy. she said she went more for personality, and mentioned that she was really impressed that i was in medical school.

so we were hanging out for some time and then she wanted to go see her friends for a little so i went to look for my friends. they wanted to leave the club so i called the girl on her cell and she told me where she was, and then i found her and kissed her goodbye. later that night she texts me saying “ur.sexy” and i text her asking if her and her friends wanted to go out with me and my friends. she texts me back saying something like…”definitely ..we’re down!..call me!”

so saturday comes and i call her around 5ish pm and leave a msg and she texts me back saying shes at work. we continue texting back and forth and she says shell be out by 11pm and out at the bars at 1am. so eventually late at night i call her and she tells me which bar shes at. i bring my friend along and again we talk, get some drinks, and soon start making out by the bar.

later we go for a walk around the block and make out..again..and i put my hands in her pants and she starts moaning and grinding her hips. so we continued walking and talking and kissing and time flew quick. we talked about going on a date to dinner and movies, and she seemed very excited about it.

i checked the time and i told her i had to leave (it was around 2am) at this point we’re a few blocks from the bar where her friends were at, so i tell her that my car is nearby and i can drop her off. as soon as we get in my car we start making out and i put my hands in her pants and into her vagina…i think i felt a tampon? lol. but she kept saying how she hated that she was on her period. so we stop and i drop her off by the bar.

we kiss good bye…she gets out the car..but then jumps back in and kisses me again goodbye. later that night she texts me saying “sexyyy” and “hey sexy call me tomorrow” …i reply something with like “yea we should make plans for our hot date and i want to kiss every part of your body”

so on sunday…i text her asking what shes up to..around the early evening. no reply. i call her monday night, leave a message saying whats up. havent heard back from her.

some random facts: shes like 21 or 22, studying for physical therapy, works at a pizzeria, she seemed REALLY impressed that i’m in medical school, made some references to calling me dr. mcdreamy from the show greys anatomy, and kept making references to how i must be so loaded with money just cuz i drove a lexus.

i didnt tell her that it was my parents’ car. i had a slight, vague notion that she may be a “gold digger-ish” kinda girl. did i do something wrong? should i even call her or text her again?

My Answer:

First, good job on at least the hookup. Not every hookup leads to sex and even if you did something wrong, there is no way to know if that something was the cause of her not getting back in touch with you. Fact is that most hookups don’t go anywhere and that’s why going for sex as soon as possible is important, which is what you did correctly.

The main thing I would have done differently is saved the vagina fingering for inside the bedroom and teased her instead to build up the sexual tension. Other than that, she was reciprocating your attention so I can’t say for sure that you were being too needy. Girls are weird, I know, which is why there is an industry now on trying to get them into bed. Just go out there and do it again.

There is no point in calling or texting her again. If a girl pulls back like that, going into her more with multiple texts and calls will just make you feel worse.

The whole point of the game, besides some cheap thrills in the sack, is to find the quality girl you deserve instead of having to settle like most guys do. The reason you are reading this right now is because you believe the path lies in game. If you're looking to possess the whole package, from the right inner game all the way to successful dates that end in sex, check out my book Bang. It's a one-stop shop for the most important things you need to know. Click here to learn more...

On the first column list the top bars or clubs you have been to the last four years, especially ones you’ve gotten laid from. If you have gotten laid from a non-alcoholic venue like a particular coffee shop then include that in the list too. In the second column estimate as best as you can the number of times you’ve been there during that four years.

In the third column list the number of times you’ve banged a girl that you met at each venue. Then in the fourth column divide the two numbers to get a success rate percentage.

Is the highest percentage bars your most frequented bars?

Let’s take this a step further. In the fifth column put down a dollar amount that is your average cost for a night out at each venue. In the sixth column multiply columns two and five to get total money spent. Finally, in the seventh column divide columns six and three, to get the average cost per notch from each venue.

I lamented the close of Dragonfly, the Washington DC venue I shagged a ton of women at, but I’ve been so many times that turns out my success rate there was rather pitiful and my cost per notch astronomical at five times higher than the next best venue.

There is even a bar that is one of my current favorites that the numbers don’t justify as such while a bar across the street I skip has yielded much better fruit. How could I so easily continue to select venues against my best interests? It’s like my brain has blind spots which prevent me from going after my best interests.

The numbers don’t lie, no matter how much you think one place is better than the next.

The limit to where we can meet women exists only in our heads. While bars and clubs are the dominant venues I talk about my book Bang, in the Appendix I share advice on how to pick up girls in other situations, like on the street, from a car, in a coffee shop, and in the gym. If you are under 21 then I think you’ll find the Appendix to be especially useful.

I met a girl at a bar and made out with her within a half hour or so. I tried to seal it that same night but couldn’t due to bad logistics. I got the consolation prize of her number instead. The first time I called her I left a message and she returned my call almost instantly. Not only was I sure she liked me, but that she wanted to see me soon too.

We initially met on a Saturday and agreed to meet for drinks on a Tuesday. On Wednesday she was leaving to Miami for two weeks for business. I knew what I had to do…

After our date ended I suggested to walk her home (she lived nearby) since I wanted her to “get home safe.” She agreed and we walked to her front door. She asked if I wanted to come in, sparing me the important line that would have gotten me in (page 97 of Bang). We’re in her room and things progress from there, but I get healthy doses of resistance. She tells me this is only our fast date, she doesn’t move that fast, blah blah blah.

“No problem,” I tell her. But after a few minutes I’d start back up and get just a bit farther than I did before until she tells me to stop again. This was repeated about eight times over the course of two hours until we were both naked and I banged.

Do I normally break down resistance for two hours like that? Very rarely am I that persistent, which was very close to bordering on slimy. I did it this time because she was leaving the next day. It was my life or death duty to tap that because I knew that this would be my only chance.

Not ten minutes I was out of her house did she call me wanting to wish my goodbye. The next day before her flight she texted me and it was obvious she had a strong liking to me. I dare even say that she was crazy about me. Do you want to guess what happened when she came back? Nothing. I haven’t seen her since! She returned my phone calls with text messages days later and I eventually gave up.

To me this makes sense. Read the first paragraph again. While I do not know why travel resets things, it almost always does. If you find your girl is leaving for a trip more than a couple days in length, you should push harder than you normally do to seal the deal. You may not get a chance when she returns.

Getting a girl to the bedroom and dealing with resistance is the final stop before you notch your belt. It makes no difference how well you can attract a girl if you don’t know how to seal the deal. It would be a waste if you don’t know how to properly finish the job once you’ve already gotten her attention.

In Bang I have a chapter devoted specifically to “Late Game” that describes the best techniques and even explains the optimal order to take off her clothing while you have her in bed. Learn more about how Bang can improve your game.

On his upcoming seminar page he says how many phone numbers he’s gotten (3428), now removed, while also giving his number of lays (153). He has stated that he has a spreadsheet that keeps track of these figures.

Let’s do the math. If you divide phone numbers by lays you get 22. That means he gets one bang for every twenty-two numbers. What that tells me is he gets flaked on a lot, either due to his poor attraction game or the way he is closing.

My hunch says it has something to do with his looks. No bones about it, he is a very good looking guy, moreso than any other pick up artist I’ve seen. I’m guessing that girls throw him their number because of his looks, not his game, and then flake out because he didn’t build attraction and comfort.

Let’s take the math a step further. How many approaches do you think it takes Paul Janka has to do to get one number? I’m going to guess three. Maybe right now he only has to do one or two, but early on I’m sure he struggled and had to do five or more. Three sounds like a reasonable number, even though I’m sure it is higher.

So let’s multiply three by the number of phone numbers he’s gotten. That gives us 10,284. That means he’s probably done over 10,000 approaches in just a few years. I’ve done a lot of approaches in my life but I doubt I’ve hit 1,000. If you divide 10,000 approaches by five years, which is about how long he’s been in the game, you’ll get 2,000 approaches a year, or 5.5 approaches a day, every day.

If he has approached 10,284 girls for 153 lays means he’s getting a lay per 67 approaches. That’s a 1.5% success rate.

Again, I’m not posting this to bash Paul Janka, because I haven’t seen his game, but the math he has given is no inspiration to his students. Based on his good looks, is his numbers worse or better than what a man with average looks and average game can get? Probably worse. Study his material with a grain of salt.

I was still in the mood to talk to girls on my way home since I couldn’t do it at the club, so when I went down the escalator and saw a pretty girl standing alone I had to do something. I couldn’t have made it more obvious that I was going to talk to her when I positioned myself beside her, but there was no “smooth” way of bypassing less empty spots to stand next to her. (In fact there is no evidence that making a smooth approach increases your odds of success.)

I waited no more than 5 seconds. Any longer and you just start to psych yourself out. She was in what seemed to be gym shorts so said, “It doesn’t seem like you went out tonight.”

“Actually I did but I changed so I wanted look like a whore on the way home.”

Now that’s called “giving encouragement,” where the girl gives a rich answer that lets me take it all sorts of places. My next comments were about the weekend being amateur hour and the horrible club I just came from. She took out a piece of gum and I asked for a piece.

The train came and she went in first. I was very casual about the whole thing. There were no distractions like in a bar so there is less of that urgency to fill every silence. Once inside the train I sat near her and since she wasn’t going anywhere there was no worry of her walking away.

She had a smart ass sense of humor so it was easy to tease her, about her young age and the mosquito bites on her legs. I jokingly asked if she was “intimidated to be talking to an older man,” one of my favorite lines.

I asked her what stop she gets off and since it was one away I decided to go for the number. Nine times out of ten, based on the fun conversation we had, I’m getting a number. In fact I thought the number was such a sure thing that I was already thinking of logistics on how to get out this college girl who doesn’t have a car.

I told her we should hang out for a drink and her reply was, “Haha no.” She laughed at me. There was other passengers around and they saw all this, though they did not make a noise.

I said, “Wow, well, you could have lied and said you had a boyfriend.”

“Well I do have a boyfriend, blah blah blah.” Take a few seconds to think about a girl who would put down a guy instead of telling the truth. With her smart ass personality I guess I wasn’t too surprised.

The stop came and I smiled and told her to have a good night. There’s no point in getting upset, especially since this approach will make it easier for me to do more subway approaches. After a few minutes the burn of her rejection in front of a small crowd wore off and I felt fine. Now I’m more motivated to chat up girls on the subway since I know the odds are way in my favor. 98% of guys in DC never even get up to the point of asking a girl for their number on the subway.

There are two types of guys: those who let rejection get them down and those who use it as fuel to feed the fire. I’m the latter, because I know that part of the game is a numbers game. For every couple rejections there is a nice success. If you stop at a rejection then you stopped too soon.

Having this belief is the reason why I was able to amass such a large amount of experience that led to the writing of Bang, where all the hundreds of approaches I made led to so much success that I was able to pick out the patterns and distill my knowledge into a practical guide. My book makes your learning curve shorter than mine. Click here to learn more.

“How about you come to the bar with me so I can get a drink…”

If the club is especially crowded, leave your hand out for her to grab. Once you get the drink, offer her a sip, but DO NOT buy her a drink. Linger at the bar, put your arm on her waist, and make a move before your drink is done. It’s as easy as I describe because if she allows herself to be isolated in this way she is ready to make out with you.

For the forum’s first three weeks I’m giving away two prizes. If you make at least one post by September 2, you will be entered in a random drawing for a $25 gift certificate to Condom Depot or a $15 gift certificate to Amazon.com. Check it out

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