Why Isn’t The Girl Calling You Back?

You spend two hours talking to a girl in a bar and she absolutely loves you. She’s touching you, your faces get close, and you almost make out with her. No matter, you think, because this is a lock and it’s a guarantee something will happen on the first date.

In a couple days you call her up and leave a voicemail. One hour passes with nothing, but you’re still confident. But then two hours, three hours, and then four hours. Still nothing. You check your voicemail anyway just in case she called but the phone didn’t ring. Your chest sinks when you hear “No new messages.” What happened? Why didn’t she call you back?

You’ll never know. You can sit there and analyze and dissect the entire interaction and make a guess what went wrong but it’s pointless because you’ll never know the real reason. There nothing you can even learn from a situation like this because in fact you did build attraction and she did give you the number, perhaps very enthusiastically.

When I started in the game, only one in ten girls called me back. I was certain it was the voicemails I was leaving, so I tried all sorts of craziness, including not leaving a voicemail and calling from different numbers. But nothing changed.

It has very little to do with the voicemails your are leaving because of one reason: she has decided whether or not to call you back before you even pick up the phone. So in the cases where she didn’t call you back, you were already dead in the water before your dialed her number. Crazy I know.

The bad news is that if she doesn’t call you back it’s done. The second call will not help (believe me I tried) and neither does texting. I’ve experimented with sending a girl a text: “What, you met someone cooler than me already?” Sometimes they write back but I still don’t get them out. I’ve never in my life got out a girl who didn’t respond to my first call. Forget about it.

It was about a year in the game when I noticed a change. Instead of 1 in 10 girls calling me back, it was more like 1 in 5. I had no idea at the time what I was doing differently, besides knowing that my game improved a bit.

Understand: A girl calling you back has more to do with desire than anything else. If she wants you then she will call you back, and the only way to make a girl want you is to have tight game that builds attraction. If girls are not calling you back, don’t look at your phone game, but look in the first five minutes of the interaction with her. Improve that and you will get more callbacks. And improving that takes more approaches, more attempts, and more practice. There is no secret to it.

Right now as I write this I get 3 out of 4 callbacks, which is a seven times improvement from when I first started, but you’ll still notice that at least 1 out of 4 girls still doesn’t call me back. That means I eat the time I spent with her and was better off escalating as far as I can, even at risk of appearing a little slimey. And just because she calls back there’s no guarantee I will bang. That’s why I want you to think not about how to get girls to call you back, but how to bang girls without having to worry if they are going to call you back or not.

But if it is necessary to get her on the phone, to leave that first voicemail and to have the conversation which leads to the date, consult Bang (pages 76-83) for instruction and advice on getting her out. If you don’t have Bang then click here to learn more.

How To Get A Girl’s Phone Number

Getting a girl’s number is actually a lot easier than you think, and the reason is not a good one. Turns out that girls will give out their number even if they are not completely sure they want to see the guy again. I’m pretty sure they’d give it out to a monkey if it could talk. Therefore our main goal is always getting her in bed as quickly as possible. When it doesn’t happen, especially if we’re hitting on her during the day, we go for the phone number.

For example if I see you trying to get a number of a plastered girl you met in the bar, I will slap your phone out of your hand. She won’t even remember you the next day!

Only get a phone number because you’ve exhausted all other options, such as the venue change or the same night lay, and NOT because the phone number was your goal all along. That said, here’s how you get numbers…

The key is to go for the date, not the number. Example: “I think we should hang out some time for a _______.” That’s it. If she says yes, take out your phone, and she will start telling your her number without you even having to ask. So really the way to get a girl’s number is to be indirect. Not only does it work but it decreases the chances of her flaking out since she did agree to seeing you again.

If she says she’s busy then that means she doesn’t want to see you again. Who cares, go on to the next girl.

It would be a waste to spend all that time approaching and talking to get her number and then blow it on the phone or through your text messages. Make it easy for yourself by learning the best practices that save you energy and ensure most numbers turn into first dates. In my book Bang I lay out a very detailed strategy on how to work the phone when you get numbers. Click here to learn more...