How To Balance Between Compliments & Insults

The following excerpt from Bang discusses the middle ground between compliments and insults…

The opposite of a compliment is an insult, something you should also avoid. If you had a linear scale with a compliment on one end being a 1 and an insult on the other end being a 10, some of the material you’ve read so far reach into the 6 range. Their purpose is to let a girl know that you are not impressed with her, even if below the surface you really are. The more you show her you’re impressed, the more likely she will perceive her value as being too high for you. Sex withholding follows as a result.

While saying “You’re too old for me” may seem like an insult on the surface, it is taken as a joke when you have already established a fun and playful vibe. Context here is important: if you were talking about something boring like politics all night and then all of a sudden you tell her she’s too old for you, she will get offended. But if you were already joking around with her for a while, she’ll know that it’s just a part of your personality.

Regardless, some girls will get insulted by your humor and think, “Who does this guy think he is?” While I don’t apologize to any girl who takes my humor wrong, I definitely don’t continue to push her buttons once she is already upset. To me her annoyance is either a sign of incompatibility or a bad line on my part. Did I accidentally say the wrong thing or did she get offended at a line that girls normally respond well to? I make a judgment call if this interaction can be saved or if there is another girl around that my time could be better spent with. Because trying to convince her that you were joking is a form of beta male supplication, it’s best to move on if your material is poorly received. The goal of material in the middle of our compliment-insult scale is to make her aware of her own faults instead of yours. Once the focus is taken off you, she will be much more susceptible to game.

The last two sentences are very important. Solid game makes the girl look inward to her own faults or lacks. Your backhanded compliments and teasing takes the focus off your uneven chin, odd mannerisms, and balding scalp. If you have a rather large deformity then your game has to be that much more potent to compensate for the flaw.

Unfortunately you can’t just go around insulting girls, which is what a lot of guys do after they read books like The Game, where the “neg” was heavily featured. You can study negs all day and night but you’ll still fuck it up every time with the wrong tone or body language. It’s better to avoid its use until you get to an advanced Matrix-like level of game, but by then you probably won’t even need to use them. Focus on material on the “6 range” like I explain above. I give tons of examples in my book.

Speaking of my book, here’s a recent email I received about it…

How’s it going man? I recently put together enough money to buy Bang and I have to say it was not only worth every penny, but more. I don’t usually say shit like this (especially about things I have to pay for). I bought David DeAngelo’s DoubleYourDating eBook a few years back and I have to say that Bang BLEW IT AWAY. You can use this as a testimonial if you want. Oh, I have also read Swingcatt’s eBook and I not only had more laughs and a better time reading Bang, but I found it more useful and my game is doing so much better. I like your approach to the field, you put things simply in a way that I can understand. However, you use advanced tactics like DeAngelo and Swingcatt, but explain it on a step by step basis with examples to real life events and situations. I can’t thank you enough.

If you haven’t yet bought Bang, check out its homepage and read a couple sample pages.

Physical Issue Or Confidence Issue?

Here’s a very interesting email I received…

Roosh,

I want to tell you a little about myself. I am 27 years old, divorced, with a son. I got married 7 years ago because my girlfriend got pregnant. DNA testing from the divorce ruled me out as being the father of my daughter. I am back in college and living with my grandparents.

My biggest problem is sweating. The strong deodorants don’t work and the medication that keeps me from sweating is too expensive because it isn’t for sweating but for stomach ulcers.

I am writing you because I dig your stuff. I recently bought your book but have only read the introduction. Seriously, I have to study a lot and I am currently in summer school. I need help, and I totally dig a lot of the things that you say and your history. I like that you are an intellectual. The bottom line: I need help with my game, but I don’t want to sacrifice my GPA and ruin my chances of getting into grad school.

I talked to Neil Strauss in Chicago about how sweating has kept me out of the game, and he said to make up some story if someone asks about how I did some research and I found that men who sweat have higher levels of testosterone. That is easier said than done and hugely embarrassing.

I don’t have much money, but if you are putting on anymore workshops after you get back from traveling then I would like to know. I get so fucking depressed and I feel like a loser.

I have definitely reached that point on more than one occasion where I thought that life just wasn’t worth it. I don’t believe in God, so I know that when I die it will be over. I want to change Roosh, and I would like it if you could help me.

My Answer:

First, thanks for buying my book.

Your issue is not sweating but confidence. And I know this because I sweat like a fucking pig (it runs in the family), especially on my hands. Most girls I date have made comments about it and I tell them I’m thankful I sweat because I never need lotion, which will end up saving me “thousands of dollars” during my lifetime.

In fact I can’t wear grey shirts because of pit sweat. My nose and forehead is often sweaty and I dab with napkins whenever I get the chance. But not once have I worried that sweat is stopping me from getting laid.

In other words, your confidence issue is making it seem like sweating is keeping you out of the game when actually your mind is. There are guys that weigh over 225 pounds who are pulling regularly so you can’t convince me that mere sweat is your problem.

Ask yourself this: is it possible that there are men out there who have worser physical issues than yourself but are getting laid regularly? Your solution isn’t a workshop. You have my book which is enough to see a large improvement in the next year. Read it from front to back and approach at least ten girls a week. Forty girls a month starting tomorrow is your solution, and there is no shortcut to that. In your email you didn’t mention things you’re doing, so that tells me you haven’t even stepped in the pool yet.

Also start optimizing your look by trying different hair and beard configurations. Splurge on a new outfit that makes you feel good. And definitely hit the gym. If you don’t live near a gym or can’t afford it, develop a poor-man’s workout routine (pushups, situps, pullups with a $30 door frame bar, and running). It helps to be happy with what you see in the mirror.

In your next email to me I want to hear questions about issues you have found when approaching girls. Take action starting tomorrow.

The whole point of the game, besides some cheap thrills in the sack, is to find the quality girl you deserve instead of having to settle like most guys do. I remember the time when I personally couldn't even have conversations with pretty girls. I would just stare at them and do nothing, hoping that by some miracle of God they would come talk to me first. But they never did.

My problem was part lack of confidence, part fear, and part inexperience. Yet once I decided to take control of the problem, I sucked it up and started approaching girls everywhere like a maniac. That's how I learned by trial and error and came up with an effective system to go from approach to bang, which I describe in my book Bang.

In Bang I teach you everything I learned about girls with a strong focus on approaching and having interesting conversation that creates attraction. Then step by step I tell you how to call the girl, take her out on dates, and then finally seal the deal. With my system I'm confident you will eventually meet and bang the one girl that you want for the long-term. Click here to learn more about Bang today.

Ten Fresh Sample Pages From My Game Book Bang

A few readers have told me that they are interested in buying Bang but they are not sure about the quality. To address this I have picked out ten new pages to show you that I think best represents the book. I introduce each page so you can skim around if you want to find the topics you’re most curious about.

Here’s the link to the new sample pages…

http://www.bangfieldguide.com/e/pages/

If you like what you see and what to order, click the order button at the bottom of the page for the instant downloadable PDF file.

7 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Game Right Now

1. Stop Leaning In

This is the number one problem I see guys do, especially in the first 30 minutes of talking to a girl. They don’t realize that by bending over they are saying, “God I’m so happy to be talking to you right now.” Or in a bar they talk right next to the girl’s ear when it isn’t even loud. The last thing you want a girl to know is that you are excited to be talking to her because it sends the signal you are inexperienced, don’t have success with girls, and ultimately, have low value. Lean back instead and let her be the one to come into you, and if you create the least bit of interest she will.

2. Stop Asking For Permission

Can we dance? Can I have your number? Can I kiss you? Because guys don’t know what it’s like when someone asks for permission to escalate intimacy, they don’t realize how lame it is for them to do so. Asking for permission introduces an awkward moment where the girl’s brain floods with reasons not to do what you are asking to. Plus you make it seem like you are scared of getting rejected, a quality not attractive to most women. Instead of asking, just do it and see what happens.

3. Memorize One Excellent, Breezy Story

When you first start talking to a girl, she has no idea who you are. If you talked to her because she is cute, chances are she gets talked to by a lot of guys. Separate yourself from the pack early on by telling her a story that hits on many of your positive qualities, such as your confidence, athleticism, sense of adventure, intelligence, humor, wit, story-telling ability, and so on. Because girls read between the lines, the story will not just be a story—it will be a representation of you that does not come across as bragging.

To pull this off, when you are in conversation and it is clear you have her attention, say, “That reminds me of when….” and then begin your story. I like going into stories about travel now, but before that was gym stories, where for instance I would tell girls the very true account of how one particularly gay guy stalked me in the gym and grabbed my hand while I was naked in the shower. If you are not confident of your story-telling abilities, understand that the best way to be good at telling stories is to expose yourself to good stories.

4. Stop Using The Word “Hot” To Describe Women

Have you noticed how easy it seems to attract girls who you are not that attracted to? Since you think of hot girls as so much more valuable than mediocre ones, you are more likely to behave in a way that makes it clear to her that she is indeed too valuable for you, without even realizing what you’re doing. This is the phenomenon where bad, needy game “leaks” out as a result of your thoughts, without conscious effort on your part. If you want to get physical with hot girls, you need to master your thinking of them first. From here on out, no girl is hot, and there are no tens. She’s either “cute” or “alright.” Don’t be that guy who falls captive to every girl he sees. Instead, trick your mind into lowering her value so that your game towards her is tighter.

5. Get Rejected Immediately!

Go up to a cute girl you don’t know in the next day and start a conversation with what you already know as a man. Make up an opener or just ask how she’s doing. Chances are she will end the conversation in a polite manner, typical of the “rejections” you will face. It may sting that this girl made it clear she doesn’t want to have nothing to do with you, but realize that the only way to perfect your game is to interact like this with a couple hundred girls. THERE IS NO OTHER WAY! This means you will have to branch out from your school, work, or social circle comfort zones. Accept that 99% of girls on this Earth do not ever want to have sex with you, get over it, and keep going until you find the ones that do.

6. Take Your Hands Out Of Your Pockets

Take your hands of your pockets. If you are at a bar looking like you are bored, resigning yourself to standing around and staring at the TV, don’t expect to get a positive response if you approach a girl. She notices what you do before you walk up to her, and if you seem like a buzzkill, she will be less likely to talk to you. While you don’t have to jump off the wall and be that annoying guy who talks loud and high-fives everyone, don’t stand around looking like someone just stood you up. Interact with your friends or the bartender. Not only will staying in an active, talkative state help you when you finally do approach, it makes it much more likely that you even will.

7. Stop Giving Direct Answers

Evade her questions with humor or counter-questions instead, withholding for as long as reasonably possible the answers to her questions. Not only does this show you aren’t trying to impress her, but it also makes her think you are hiding something. This shady vibe will keep the conversation going and make her curious about what is hiding behind the box. You immediately stand out because most men try to appease a girl by immediately answering questions in the hopes she will like him. By doing the opposite, she sticks around to figure out who the hell you are (or think you are), but by then it will be too late—your fish hook is in her and you can run deeper material with her full attention.

Some of these things I learned from my own experiences and others from guys who taught me everything they knew about game. During an intense six year period starting in 2001 I was going out four nights a week throwing everything I had at the girls I wanted to sleep with. I did things like ask them why they were so drunk and even approached with stick figure drawings on napkins to make them laugh.

My learning curve was long and hard and not until the second year did a reliable system start to become clear. For the next four years after that I perfected and refined it into something that made my life a lot easier when it came to getting laid. I finally wrote my system down in a book called Bang.

Bang is a 60,000 word textbook that teaches you the skills to consistently get laid. I include step-by-step instructions on how to build attraction and escalate intimacy with the girls you want to have sex with. My goal was to create a guide that was all you need to get laid. The books contain hundreds of tips to help you accomplish that goal.

I have uploaded several sample pages from my book on its webpage. I also included my Condom Line, the line I say when I need to get the condom in a smooth way without ruining the moment. Click here to learn more about Bang.