Archive for the ‘General Advice’ Category:
A lot guys that are new to game get overly focused on the minutiae of exactly what to say to girls. That’s not surprising. It is important, and it’s one of those “learning bridges” we all cross at some point near the beginning. Plus, there’s a popular, though grossly distorted, misconception that being a player is just about speaking magic incantations that “manipulate” or “trick” girls into sleeping with you. Even though that’s monumentally ridiculous, it’s no wonder that inexperienced guys, upon hearing this, run to quickly learn those tricks. But anyone that’s spent any amount of time actually trying to game girls quickly realizes that it involves way more than a few magical lines you can learn overnight. After all, you can say the absolute “perfect thing” to a girl, at precisely the right time, and still strike out.
Yes, a big part of being good at game is compiling substantial knowledge on what to say to women in different situations and, with practice, developing the skill of endlessly manufacturing your own things to say. That’s the obvious, most visible (even stereotypical) part of being a player. But there’s also a massive intangible, that’s as important—if not more so—to cultivate from the outset: what’s popularly known as “inner game,” but sometimes referred to as “swagger,” “posture,” or “confidence.”
If you asked me to list three things that every successful player has in common, I’d probably list these items (in no particular order, since I think their relative intensity varies from case to case):
1. A High-Quality, Congruent Look. This includes his natural, god-given gifts, but more importantly, how he’s optimized that canvas with tight fashion choices and an appropriate grooming regimen.
2. Air-Tight Game. His ability to say and do cool and interesting things in virtually any situation and around diverse types of people—especially hot girls—and convert those interactions into sex.
3. Some Form of Social Proof . Anything publicly visible that demonstrates he’s accepted by desirable people, has exceptional skills of some kind, or is otherwise more “valuable” as a person (e.g., musical skills, talent, popularity, wealth).
Clearly, all of these build on one another and are closely interrelated. An impressive sense of style will naturally add to a guy’s social proof. Conversely, a guy’s social proof miraculously adds to his looks. Everybody knows various examples of this principle: the rich guy with a hot, young girlfriend or the guy with a hot girl on his arm getting looks from all the other girls in the bar.
But one thing that’s threaded deep into the shag of all three of those traits is inner game. Every successful player has a rock-solid inner game, created by their advances in those three areas. Or, they’ve progressed in those three areas by virtue of their natural confidence and swagger. It works in both directions. It sounds complicated, but it’s a simple idea. When you look good, you feel good. When you feel good, you act like it. Ever notice that when you’re in a happy, upbeat mood you say funnier things and people tend to migrate toward you?
The opposite is also true. Look around: a cool, single guy that’s dressed stylishly top-to-bottom walks around with a different vibe than a downtrodden married sap with an oversized t-shirt, lame cargo shorts, pushing a baby carriage, with his fat wife walking ahead of him. Do you think girls would notice this difference? Of course. Swagger matters.
As you work on learning to say the right things to girls, go to right places, and not making rookie mistakes like lavishing girls with drinks, keep in mind that you should also be working on your inner game. You should always seek out situations, practices, and people that will enhance it. Optimize your look with nice clothes that fit you properly. Do interesting things that will generate fascinating experiences and, by extension, stories you can tell. Cultivate relationships with cool people that add to your cachet and not detract from it.
All of these things will build on your inner game and redouble the power of every one of your player skills.
One of the best predictors of how well you do with girls is the company you keep.
When I was in high school—and couldn’t score a girl to save my life—I had two core friends, who we’ll call Kenny and Ron, with whom I’d hang out at lunch and talk about painfully lame things like word puns and the latest computer games. One day, Kenny didn’t show up and, after that, started showing up only intermittently. On further investigation, Ron and I discovered that Kenny was secretly hanging out with this ugly girl from math class. Even though we knew she was ugly, we couldn’t say anything because he had gained access to vagina, something that, at the time, seemed as elusive as El Dorado to us. Before long, Kenny started hanging with a new group of guys altogether, each with their own girl. And, not long after that, Kenny upgraded the ugly girl to this dumb bitch I hated, but reluctantly admitted was “kind of hot.” We saw little of Kenny after that, though he would still grace us with occasional courtesy visits and would still sit with us in class sometimes.
I didn’t fully understand what happened until years later. At the time, I remember oversimplifying the situation, “punk-ass left his homies for a girl.” But the truth was, he wasn’t just hanging out with the girl. He had upgraded us too, like he had done with the poor girl from math class.
The newer you are togame, the higher the odds that you have one or more friends like us. Like minds congregate, and the longer you marinate in involuntary abstinence or general uncoolness, the more dead weight you tend to aquire. What’s worse, you reinforce each others’ weaknesses, hindering one another like crabs in a bucket. None of you improve your condition, but could if you only cooperated and madea concerted effort.
At a certain point, I remember taking inventory of my own friends and realizing that I didn’t have a single one that could, and would, approach a group of girls, get laid regularly, or give me any remotely useful advice on women. My friends were now holding me back.
I’ve since learned a lame friend can hinder you in a medley of ways:
1. The Passive Cockblock
When you approach girls he fawns on them, says something stupid, acts nervous, acts creepy, or simply looks goofy. Or, he stands at an uncomfortable distance while you’re talking to girls, saying nothing.
2. The Semi-Intentional Cockblock
Crazed by the prospect of talking to cute girls, he goes for the girl you worked for, like a thirsty wanderer in the desert going for the last bottle of Vitamin Water. He adds a revolting air of desperation, which is girl-kryptonite.
3. Discouraging You or Bringing You Down with Pessimistic Outlook
A lot of your success with women hinges on cultivating an upbeat social mood. This guy kills that in its crib by constantly talking about his failures and poo-pooing the realities of the bar you’re in, “the girls in this city,” or bugging to leave.
4. Imparting an Unshakeable “Stink of Death” on You
Stands there awkwardly, with his drink held tightly against his chest, glaring at the cute girls, all while standing next to you. It’s like hanging a sign around your neck that says “lame and sexless.”
5. Judges You and Your Approaches, Laughs at You
This is probably the worst kind. He claims to know about girls, talks shit when he sees you strike out, but does nothing, making a hard thing harder.
So, if you have lame friends, you have a choice: cut them off completely, try to educate them, or compartmentalize them into a non-girl part of your life. In my experience, trying to teach guys game that haven’t sought it out on their own is an uphill, frustrating, and ultimately fruitless battle. Most guys, unless they’re complete turds, are also not deserving of a complete cut-off.
Best to realize that you need to do what Ken did to me years ago: demote your lame friends and spend more time with guys that can help you advance.
Here’s a question I got recently via email:
I’m doing good in initial approaches and getting up girls on one night stands. However seeing these girls again isn’t going too well. I have thought about the fact they might be getting buyers remorse because a few occasions have been drunken sex at a party. We have fun but I doubt the adequate comfort level of say 7 hours that Mystery talks about is reached.
Also little conversation is had, it’s mostly just both of our hormones in action. Some of these girls I have tried to turn into fuck buddies but it hasn’t gone according to plan. I normally send a text 2-3 days later saying whatsup girly or you were a playful girl sat night. They text back saying “hey! how are you blah blah.” I say, “good you etc etc wanna hang out tonight?” They say sorry I have work or some shit. Should I be calling even though they don’t have my number, might get freaked out that I’m calling. What are your thoughts here?
On that note what are some good initial text messages to send to a girl and then follow up texts?
Also what are your thoughts on drinking when you go out? I still feel a little uncomfortable in a club sober but feel that approaching this way will only tighten up my game.
How much does a players living quarters affect things? I currently live with a hot 20 year old girl who has a b/f. We have never hooked up although I kinda only see her as a friend. Sometimes it has felt weird bringing a girl back as I know she can hear us. Would be cool to live with some guys and bring back a few girls together. There might be a 20 year old guy moving in which would be cool. What are your thoughts on living arrangements in general?
Last last question, thinking about joining a fraternity next year. It will cost a little bit of money but I am working this summer. Friends in there say they are banging hotties l, r and centre. Then might move into the frat house. What do ya reckon on this (might be a stupid question)?
I don’t think it has anything to do with it being a one night stand because I’ve dated many girls in that way (banging in much less time than 7 hours). The big problem is your attempt to move them into fuck buddy status immediately. A girl will be a slut for a night but she won’t knowingly be the fuck buddy after just one sex episode.
“Wanna hang tonight?”
It doesn’t work like that. You have to try and date them normally by giving at least one days notice, preferably two. We know she’s a slut but don’t treat her like one while she’s sober. As for texting game, keep it very simple and logistical in nature. No jokes, no stories, no flirting. Just “Hey what’s up, are you free on so and so?”
I drink when I go out, usually capping it at 3 drinks (after that my game declines). If I’m in a social setting where 95% of people are drinking, it’d be more unnatural not to drink.
Living quarters definitely affects things but as I made it work when I lived with my dad (even bringing girls there), it doesn’t hurt as much as most people think. If I had my choice, I’d live with one other friend very close to a nightlife area. This would drastically increase the amount of one night stands I get. “Hey you want to have a drink at my place… I live four blocks away.” That has a lot more sway then if you live over a half-hour away.
If you can join a frat, do it. It’s probably the best thing you can do to banging a lot of chicks in college.
It bothers me when it feels like I’ve missed out on an opportunity. A girl gave me this look, I did nothing, and then I start feeling guilty. Should I feel down for not approaching every cute girl that I see?
Let’s take a look at a couple of hypothetical examples to help us answer this question…
1. Say some girl is walking in the opposite direction of you on the sidewalk and locks eye contact, and maybe even smiles. Should you approach her?
2. How about if you’re sitting next to a girl on the subway and she looks around at other passengers instead of staying focused on her book. How about if she glances at the newspaper you are reading. Should you approach?
3. How about if the girl next to you at the coffee shop sighs deeply several times and stares off in space. Should you approach?
There is no clear line about when you should approach and when you shouldn’t, but there are opportunities which you should get mad at yourself for not taking action. For example, if a girl looks at you for more than one second, you should approach her no matter where you are, because it’s never an accident that someone makes eye contact with another person.
You should also approach girls who are looking around or seem bored, even if they don’t look at you. They want to be distracted with a conversation instead of doing what they’re supposed to be doing.
Therefore I say YES to the three cases above. You should approach. But how about the girls who don’t look at you and seem completely focused in their work?
Well, I know what happens when I approach these girls, but do you? While these are not high-success approaches, I think you owe it to yourself to try them out a few times and see what you can learn. The experience I got from approaching so many girls has helped me be able to tell when a girl is open to being talked to or not.
But keep in mind that her approachability is only one factor in deciding if you should approach. If there is a girl that is especially attractive and close to my ideal type, I’m going to talk to her whether she knows I exist or not.
Still, we’re not perfect, and there will be times when there is a girl you should have approached but didn’t. Maybe you were in a bad mood, or maybe you still worry about spectators listening in on your game. The result is that girl is gone, probably forever, and you learned nothing about how to get with her. You may feel guilty in the process. The next best thing you can do is replay the event in your head and imagine what you could have done differently.
How would you have opened her? How would the first minute of the conversation have been like?
Then if you are presented with a similar opportunity again, you simply have to repeat your mental performance for real life. Just do what you’ve already rehearsed. One reason I’m good at approaching because my mind has done it thousands of times, even when I wasn’t actually doing it.
Different approach situations can be very similar, especially if you have a general routine of places you frequent and hang out at. Mentally rehearsing approaches better prepares you for an episode that will happen again.
Feeling regret or inadequate is good because it will spur you to action. That’s how I got into the game, when I had a lot of bottled-up shame for not being able to get laid regularly. After starting from zero I became a man obsessed. I read the psychology books, did the approaches, and learned from alpha males in the field who already had a piece of skill that I wanted. I kept going for six years until I could cross out girls from my list of problems in life.
But it won’t take you six years.
In my book Bang I share with you the best strategies and techniques that took me forever to learn. If you study Bang I’m confident your learning curve will be a lot shorter than mine. I’m not saying it won’t take time and practice, but I am saying you’ll be surprised how fast your skill increases after applying my system. If you’re ready to give Bang a try, click here to order today. If you don’t like it then simply email me to get your money back no-questions-asked.