Archive for the ‘Game Fundamentals’ Category:
One of the basic realities of life is that no guy—no matter how famous, good-looking, or knowledgeable about game—has a 100-percent success rate. Everyone gets rejected sooner or later. Even Johnny Depp has millions of girls who wouldn’t bang him. The frustrating part of the rejection reality isn’t that it exists, is that it can happen anywhere in the process, at any time. A girl can go cold seemingly out of the blue. One of the most common places where it happens is after getting a girl’s phone number.
We’ve all been there. You met a girl out, and you did everything “right”: maybe you rubbed your boner against her for half-an-hour to some shitty music; you had her laughing at all your well-honed stories; maybe you even made out with her in the corner. You correctly tried to bounce from the bar with her, but she didn’t “want to leave her friends.” But she practically threw her number at you and you figured you had this one on lock-down. Then, after following the classic text conventions, you get nothing. There are a million ways this scenario plays out, but the theme is the same: guy has number, things look good, and the girl goes dark.
To fully comprehend this situation, you have to understand what you’re up against. Girls nowadays give out their numbers like candy. There are multiple reasons for this. For one, it’s the path of least resistance. Think about it: the quickest way to get a guy off your case is to give him your number, comfortably extricate yourself from the situation, and then just ignore his lobs. Girls avoid confrontation and awkwardness at all costs. But that only explains a situation where they don’t like the guy. What about when she showed clear signs of attraction?
We’re living in a world of endless distractions. The deadly combination of Facebook, ever-shrinking attention-spans, and the inherently flakey nature of young girls (especially American ones) conspire to create a bad situation. Cute girls have unlimited options. In other words, there’s a good chance you weren’t the only guy who rubbed your boner against her that weekend. What’s more, girls are forgetful. She could have fantasized about being impregnated by you the night she met you, but within an hour she forgot about that because she got a text from some other guy. This is a double-edged sword that can work to your advantage as much as it can hurt you, as we shall see.
So what do you do when a girl doesn’t reply to your text? Well first, let’s cover what you shouldn’t do. First off, resist the temptation of chasing down your text with a follow-up because you think, “she obviously didn’t get it.” She got it. Today’s girl is glued to her phone 24/7, and she’s reading and replying to texts constantly. The odds that the ether swallowed up your text before it got to her iPhone 9 are infinitesimal. Get that out of your head. Secondly, don’t go to the other extreme and do what a lot of experienced players mistakenly do: immediately delete her number and write her off. Remember: effectively texting girls requires a Zen-like patience that is counter-intuitive to our hunting nature. Just chill.
A certain percentage of the time just forgetting about your text is enough. I’ve had girls reply to me, literally, days later. We end up making plans, and I end up banging them in the long run. But a lot of the time that doesn’t happen. That’s where the re-start text comes in.
The restart text is basically simple text volley that aims at resurrecting a conversation that’s gone cold. It can work at any stage in your interaction with a girl: when all you have is the phone number; when you’ve gone out once but things fizzled; and even after you’ve banged her and lost touch with her because you moved on voluntarily. The important precursor is that you fully allow the conversation to actually go cold. I rarely send a restart text sooner than 10 days than my last communication. The goal of the restart text, simply told, is to re-spark the intrigue the girl presumably felt for you at some point. That’s all. It’s not a logical appeal to re-contact you because “you thought you had a good time.” This is where a girl’s forgetfulness works to your advantage. By the time you come around a second time, she’s likely forgotten about some stupid thing you said that made her stop contacting you in the first place, or about the other guy who temporarily knocked you out of the first-place position. Often it’s just as simple as catching a girl when she’s more amenable to having sex.
Two Different Types of Restart Texts
The restart text is an art that you have to customize to your own style and to each situation, but these are some basic techniques to get you started. Create your own text following these approaches.
1. The Mistaken Identity. This is probably the oldest, and most transparent, approach. Girls, especially the smarter ones, can sometimes see right through this one—even though that doesn’t mean it won’t work. After all, it’s all about plausible deniability. The important part is to make it clear that it wasn’t intended for her. It’s also nice to embed some juicy bait that she just won’t be able to resist.
Example: “sorry I’m running late, homie. got into argument with andy’s ugly sister. u were right about her!”
2. The Non Sequitur. This is basically a random, brief particle that will sufficiently stir a girl’s nosy instinct into inquiring further. Don’t make it creepy or gratuitously weird. The key is to wedge yourself into that nosy part of a girl’s brain that makes eavesdropping, celebrity gossip, and “mysterious guy” in the room irresistible to her.
Example: “it was $20.”
If she responds, you should follow that up with something like “oops, wrong person.”, adding a juicy tid-bit to have her respond a second time, like “wait, who’s this?” Once you re-activate the conversation, don’t make the mistake of bringing up your prior interaction or immediately revealing your identity or intentions (to plan a date). Also, don’t text endlessly with her. Dangle the carrot for a while—leaving gaps of different lengths between texts—get her interested, and plan to “meet up.” Keep it simple.
A lot of the time, the restart text won’t work. But it should definitely be part of your arsenal. You’ll be delightfully surprised when you re-capture a seemingly lost prospect with this simple, nearly effortless, technique.
As you probably already know, being good at getting laid requires a cocktail of skills. You can’t just memorize a bunch of one-liners and expect to see meaningful results. You can’t lean hard on your inner game alone, not approach, and wait for girls to line up outside your apartment. And, of course, a pile of phone numbers is useless without some good text game. The reality is that you need to work on several areas at once, advancing each when you sense that one is falling behind or keeping you from getting to that next level.
An often-neglected part of that is optimizing your look. A lot of guys with serviceable game, as well as the killer instinct to deploy it, hold themselves back by not looking their best. One great thing about being a man is that looking good isn’t nearly as complicated as it is for girls. A basic understanding of fashion, your own physique, and your physical shortcomings can take you a long way. Even if you have average looks, an optimized look can make a world of difference. What’s more, because game is a feedback loop, looking good improves your overall confidence; the consequent swagger encourages more approaches; and more approaches improve your game.
Nice, stylish clothes that suit you are worth their weight in gold, but even if your whole closet is from Target, there are still things you can spend your money on to make yourself look better.
Good Face Wash and Lotion: $15-20
I’m surprised at the number of guys who walk around with dry-looking or greasy faces. Sure, you’re a man, but you’re not homeless. A healthy looking complexion can do a lot for making the panties wet—especially when a girl gets close enough to examine it or feel it. Every guy is different: maybe you sport a rugged, bearded face, or you may have a (relatively hairless) baby-face. But, whatever the case, you should at least wash and moisturize your face properly. Harsh soaps and bad shaves are often behind a lot of nasty skin problems. Go to your local “natural” beauty supply place—they all have men’s sections nowadays—or even your local drugstore, and buy a gentle cleanser and face moisturizer for your mug.
Whitening Toothpaste: $5
I’m not sure if this is a product of the Starbucks milkshake epidemic, but it seems like more and more people are walking around with brown or discolored teeth these days. I even see cute, young girls with rainbowed teeth. This is shocking, considering the number of teeth whitening products out there. I don’t recommend you go out a blast your teeth to glow-in-the-dark white with harsh bleaching agents, but it wouldn’t hurt to use a mildly whitening, national-brand toothpaste periodically. After drinking coffee or tea, rinse your mouth by swishing some clean water in your mouth. It makes a big difference. Just leave a little coffee in a white mug for few hours to see what coffee does to your teeth.
A Decent Haircut: $25-30
Nothing screams lame louder than a shitty, little-kid haircut. Still, the number of guys walking around with an unstylish cut is astounding. You don’t need to go out and spend a king’s ransom on a designer style, but look for one of these hipster barbershops that are popping up everywhere. They’re not dirt-cheap, but are still reasonably priced. Sit back and watch which of the stylists is giving a cool cut to a man and choose that person. Don’t be afraid to ask your stylist what a good cut for you would be.
Hemming Your Jeans: $12-15
Whether your jeans are a crappy, squarish pair from Wal-Mart or an expensive pair you paid good money for, none of that matters if they’re dragging on the ground or are bagging up at the bottom because they’re too long for you. Decent tailors are a dying breed, but they still exist in nearly every major city. Bring your best stuff to a real tailor (not the dry cleaners) and get them altered. You can also have jackets or shirts fixed. The right fit goes a long way.
A Good Workout Book: $15-25
At the end of the day, nothing is going to make you look and feel better than being in good physical shape. The problem is that most guys know very little about exercising properly. If you’ve been to a gym more than once, you know exactly what I mean—you’ll see guys do the craziest things, like swinging a dumbbell over their heads like a lasso. If you’re straight-up overweight, you need to start with improving your diet. But, if you’re merely out of shape, weak-looking, or suffering from serious muscle imbalance, you need a good exercise program. I like Starting Strength, but look around for one that is well-rated online and suits your lifestyle and, most importantly, follow it.
Optimizing your look is an on-going process that you should be revisiting regularly. But these basic steps are a good place to start.
The same way guys that are good with girls tend to have certain things in common, guys that are terrible with girls have their own set of things in common: game-killing excuses.
Guys formulate all sorts of ridiculous excuses for why they don’t or shouldn’t approach girls on a regular basis. Hitting on girls isn’t easy, and the human mind can play all sorts of crazy tricks to spare you the pain of rejection and the anxiety of approaching a complete stranger. But these excuses are deadly for your game. They swirl around in your head, crippling you from the inside out. Even if a guy continues to approach girls through these excuses, he will transmit an insecure vibe that will severely limit his success.
“The type of girls I like don’t like guys that are of my race”
Race-based excuses are among the most common I hear. I find that they’re most prevalent in guys whose cultures emphasize “modesty” or are racially homogenous (e.g., East Asian cultures, India), but it’s not limited to any one group. The truth is: if you live in large city and pay even a little attention, you will see men of your race with girls from other races. Whether you’re an Indian or Asian guy that wants to go out with white girls, or a white guy that wants to go out with Asian girls, don’t let racial insecurity blind you of your opportunities. Girls want cool, interesting guys. Period. Find an example of a famous, successful man in your race and emulate his style and swagger.
“I’m too short”
There’s no doubt that being tall is an advantage. Every inch over “average” will work in your favor with a lot of girls. That said, I see below-average guys with cute girls all the time. And, of course, I meet plenty of goofy tall guys with no girls or with ugly fatties on their arm. If you’re stocky or short, hit the gym. If you’re below-average height, wearing form-fitting clothing that “adds length” to your stature will do miracles for your appearance, as will maintaining an ideal, slender build.
“I want a nice girlfriend or wife, not to be a player”
This is probably the most common—and ridiculous—of the bunch. What guys who believe this don’t realize is that in order to get a quality girlfriend, they need to have the skills to capture her. If you think she’s girlfriend material that likely means that, at any given moment, several guys are thinking the same thing. Plus, a nice, attractive girl gets hit on by several random guys a day.
If you haven’t developed your game skills, there’s no way you’re going to be able to snare your dream girl—even if you do find her. That’s like owning a store and saying you just want one customer to come in and buy all your merchandise so you can retire. The retail business doesn’t work like that and neither does game. The interesting thing is that what you think you want is liable to change once you get to know (and bang) other girls. In other words: you don’t really know what you want.
“When I have money/success I’ll have to beat the girls back with a stick.”
If you believe this, I can guarantee you one thing: you’re in for a major disappointment in a few years. Money doesn’t hurt your chances with girls, but it’s one of the most overrated things in the world of game. There’s a reason that high-end escort services are ridiculously profitable: all the lonely rich guys that are working 80 hours weeks to support their lavish lifestyle. For every rich guy with a hot girl, there are 10 dirt-poor artists or street guitarists with a harem of hot girls. Girls like social proof, and money alone doesn’t prove much. Making your money as an international pop star, for example, is way different than making it as a buttoned-down, overworked investment banker. Money by itself won’t make girls—apart from the occasional gold-digger—attracted to you. Don’t waste your best years working your ass off and celibate. Hit on girls while you’re making your bones so that you can get even better ones later, by smartly leveraging your loot.
If any of these excuses sound familiar, you should immediately start working on ridding yourself of this game-killing baggage.