I bought Bang a couple of months ago and have enjoyed reading it. I’ve also been reading/listening to Carlos Xuma’s “Secrets of the Alpha Man” program. He stresses that men should not touch a woman or try to sleep with her too soon, as this conveys neediness and impatience. In fact he states that a woman will usually get close and let the man know when she’s ready to physically escalate (whether that be touching or having sex).

From my understanding, your view is that a man should always get touchy/feely on the first date and go for the lay sooner rather than later.

I’m quite inexperienced when it comes to women, and am wondering what to do with these 2 conflicting points of view. What are your thoughts on this?

My Answer:

Great question.

The truth is both are correct. Remember that there are many to skin a cat.

When you want to screen a girl for her easiness, it’s best to touch her early and often. If she accepts your advances you know that this girl is probably horny and wants to fuck.

When you want to get a girl chasing you, then it’s best not to touch much. Let her work for it.

You can get laid using both methods, but the first method is for beginners who don’t have tight enough game to get girls to chase them yet. Basically you’re just trying to turn the girl on by touching. The second method is more advanced when your shit is together and no longer have to work as hard. I have moved more towards the second method, but when I know a girl is trying to fuck, I touch often.

Flirting and building attraction is crucial when it comes to helping the girl decide that she wants to sleep with you. Before I knew how attraction really worked, I'd approach a girl and talk about boring topics such as work or her favorite movies, and then she would politely excuse herself from the conversation only a couple minutes into it. But now I know better. When you talk about more interesting topics, she sees you as more interesting. Obvious, right? With a couple additional techniques, the "interesting" is turned into strong attraction.

Once attraction is built you can get her number and take her on a date or go for the one night stand (my preferred method). I teach you how to do all this in my book Bang, which details my complete banging system with step-by-step strategies such as The Four Key Moves To Intimacy (for when you want to kiss her) and my bedroom technique for sealing the deal. And of course my book tells you how to keep a fun conversation going, whether you just met her or are on a date.

If you had a system for building strong attraction with random girls you meet, would you get laid more than you are now? If you answered yes, then click here to learn more about Bang today.

I recently picked up your book due to a friend telling me about it and your blog. I especially enjoyed the book since it was to the point unlike some of the other “game” books out there. I look forward to your next book and will purchase it if you plan on putting another book out. I am writing to you to ask you some questions, some advice and to get an outside opinion on my current situation.

I met this girl at work a few months ago by teasing her, etc. (calling her mopey since she never seems to smile at work, accusing her of being 30 when she isn’t, etc.) This girl is sort of quiet/introverted and at work, she doesn’t really talk to anyone outside of me. So the past few months, we’ve gone to lunch a lot with each other, etc. and sent each other bullshit emails, talked about some personal stuff like family, etc. So it seemed we had a good rapport we each other. Well in late June, I find out that she got engaged since I saw a ring on her ring finger. I call her out on it and she says nonchalantly that she got engaged but sort of changes the subject.

I was sort of surprised at this because girls always talk about their ring, etc. when they get engaged. For some reason, she seemed to never tell me about a bf/fiancee even though other coworkers have asked her about it. Coming back from lunch (before she got engaged) one time, I mentioned if she had any plans for the weekend outside of washing her hair (said in a sarcastic manner) and bought up doing something with a bf, etc. Big mistake there on my part. She didn’t answer that question and just ignored it and had a pissed off look on her face.

I guess you are wondering where I’m getting the idea that I think she might be interested in me. An example would be her asking me if I would ever go to Ohio (where she’s from) a few times and on my birthday which was on July 10, she being all excited than I was that it was my birthday and buying me lunch. I’ve teased her other times before and gave her ultimatums like “If I train you on this, you have to buy me lunch.” or “If I tell you about how I learned about embassy parties, you have to buy me lunch.” She always says no, but ends up buying me lunch anyhow when we go to lunch together. I don’t really care about getting a free lunch but was really surprised that the teasing actually resulted in her buying me a lunch. I just find it weird that a girl with a bf/fiancee would be buying lunches for some other dude, that’s all.

At lunch on my birthday, she asked me what I had planned for that night and I sort of was vague and just mentioned that I was having a nice birthday dinner. She kept trying to find out details about it, etc. but I wanted to keep the mystery since I know girls love that type of nonsense. Here is an an reply email I got from her on my birthday when I forwarded her a work related email: “Thanks for all of your help! I hope you have a great time tonight! Happy Birthday! Thanks for having lunch with me! “It’s possible I might be reading into these things a bit much and hence why I need your outside opinion.

I guess another problem is that I feel maybe she might be using me for the attention since she’s probably not used to it since she’s shy/introverted. Hence, why I have these mixed feelings about the situation. But then I wonder if maybe there’s something there since she never talks about her fiancee in my presence even though she just got engaged. I even brought up her wedding next year, and she talked about it in a neutral manner.

Another thing is that last week, I had to stay late for a work related project and she stayed late to help me out also. I told her that she didn’t have to but she did anyway without complaint. And the next day, she said if I needed any more help that she would stay late again. We were at work till 8pm for that day we stayed late. Of course, I didn’t make a move and wasn’t sure if I should have. Do you have any advice on that? I’ve had one other friend tell me that I should try to figure her out at a future company happy hour since alcohol would be involved, but I figured I would seek your advice.

I apologize for the long winded email since I know you probably get hundreds of these. I would just like to seek your advice on this situation and see how I can get her to dump her fiancee (they’ve been only been together for a year and a half from what I’ve heard) and what I need to do to win her. I guess you can say I like the challenge of doing this instead of forgetting about her and going after some other girl. I appreciate your sage like advice and look forward to your reply.

Thanks

My Answer:

Why does it matter if there’s something “there” or not? It’s not your job to analyze her attraction for you by dissecting every little sign. Your job is to isolate her and advance, which you have not done! That’s the only way to find out. If you like her and want to have sex with her, whether she is engaged or not, simply ask her out for drinks after work. Drink with her, tease her some more, touch some more, and then when she feels like no one is watching (since she is engaged), go in for the kiss. If she rejects you then who cares! Otherwise you’ll get some action out of it. You’re making this way more difficult than it needs to be.

Making a move is not dependent on how she feels about you, since you will never be sure. All that matters is if you want to and if you can get her isolated. Stop thinking and start doing. Good luck.

The whole point of the game, besides some cheap thrills in the sack, is to find the quality girl you deserve instead of having to settle like most guys do. I remember the time when I personally couldn't even have conversations with pretty girls. I would just stare at them and do nothing, hoping that by some miracle of God they would come talk to me first. But they never did.

My problem was part lack of confidence, part fear, and part inexperience. Yet once I decided to take control of the problem, I sucked it up and started approaching girls everywhere like a maniac. That's how I learned by trial and error and came up with an effective system to go from approach to bang, which I describe in my book Bang.

In Bang I teach you everything I learned about girls with a strong focus on approaching and having interesting conversation that creates attraction. Then step by step I tell you how to call the girl, take her out on dates, and then finally seal the deal. With my system I'm confident you will eventually meet and bang the one girl that you want for the long-term. Click here to learn more about Bang today.

One thing that doesn’t work on waitresses is showing off with money. Chances are she gets it a dozen times a day and eventually it becomes hard for her to distinguish all the guys that are hinting at how much money they make. If you want to pick up a waitress the best angle to take is “poor service” angle. Let me explain…

You want to tease her that the service is not that great. For example she’ll bring you a drink and you joke, “This drink doesn’t have enough ice… the service here is really bad.” You say this with a smile on your face. That’s the key! She knows you’re just fucking around.

Later say that you and your friend want to change waitresses with one who is more “warm and affectionate.” The idea is to bust her balls that she isn’t trying hard enough. Waitresses are very receptive to this type of game. Try it.

You should get to the point where you are having longer and longer conversation each time she comes to your table. If the restaurant is busy then this is going to be hard to accomplish because she simply won’t have the time to chat, but otherwise she may stick around the table for a minute or longer. Your goal is to ask her out for a drink before you get the check, so that she writes her number on the bill.

For example, say you meet a girl but the conversation was cut short. If you know her friend, you can easily get her email address, which will be your first contact with the girl.

The number one tip that will save you a lot of frustration is this: be short. I know it will be tempting to fill in that white space on the email with attempts to be funny and interesting, but chances are the girl won’t take it the same way you intended. Since you are unable to calibrate her reaction since you won’t be there when she reads it, it’s best to lean towards the generic and safe side than going for risks.

Unfortunately it’s very difficult to build attraction in email. If you didn’t build it when you first met her, chances are you won’t ever build it. The exception is if you’re meeting girls online and she becomes attracted to you through your pictures and profile. That said, the less you try to make her like you through email, the better. So actually the less you flirt by email, the better.

The goal of email is to get her out on a date. You want to do this no later than the second email. The first email will be basic making a quick joke and saying how you enjoyed the conversation. You will wait for her reply, make a comment about it, then end the email with this:

Hey what’s your schedule like this week? I was thinking we can hang out for a drink..

That’s it! Then you just sit and wait. If she agrees, your third email will be confirming a time and place. You can also get her phone number to confirm by voice or text. The simpler you make it the better because it has the bonus of making you seem mysterious and almost shady, which girls are attracted to.

ISOLATION.

You must get your teacher alone either before or after class where you can work your magic, which is looking cute if you’re a girl and being playful and joking around if you’re a guy. The main idea is to extend the conversation as long as possible so you stand out way beyond anyone else. Okay let’s assume you’re a guy for a minute.

You’re going to have to game her like you would a girl you met at a party. That means you will tease her, make her laugh, and talk closer than you normally would. If you’re too nervous to do this, or if you’re scared you will get rejected and it affecting your grade, then don’t do it. Otherwise you will want to keep having these isolated conversations until that one magic moment where you leave the classroom or building and go have a coffee , snack, or smoothie together. From there it should be easy, but there will be a point where you have to make a very bold move and risk a spectacular rejection.

Again I must remind you that I don’t know a single guy who has had sex with his teacher, but with all the news reports you see of hot blonde teachers sleeping with their 15-year-old students, it is happening. Just stick with the isolation plan and follow it through.

When it comes to flirting in text messaging, the key rule is the shorter and the breezier the better. You don’t want to numb the girl to you by texting often with many questions. By cryptic, use fragment sentences, and keep her guessing what you really mean. Send random text messages with two or third words followed by question marks. For example, “Going out tonight?” and “Anything exciting?” is good.

Always take longer to reply than it took her. For example if she took ten minutes to write back to your text message, take longer than 10 minutes. This is important so you don’t come across as needy or bored. Remember that you have to play the game in text just as much as you would in person or on the phone. Seductions are made and broken by text, believe it or not.

The ultimate goal of text is to get her out on a date, so you should only send a flurry of texts on the day or the day before you want to get her out. There is no point in starting a long text messaging dialogue on Sunday if you want to get her out on Wednesday night. Instead just wait until Wednesday night where you can message her something like “What are you doing tonight?” The dialogue will sporadically continue int the evening until you suggest a meeting. Write, “a drink.. 9pm?”

If you’re looking for the ultimate strategy in text messaging, it’s this: KISS… Keep It Simple Stupid.

1. Showing interest. This is where you make it almost obvious that you are sexually interested. And by almost obvious I mean you are giving her attention and asking her questions. This is the “default” way of flirting that you do without even thinking about it, yet it’s not very effective. Or at least not as effective as it used to be.

2. Teasing and being cocky. The new and arguably better way to flirt is to bust her balls, or as the famous pick up artist Mystery puts it, “treat her like your bratty little sister.” The advantage of this is that it builds attraction, but the disadvantage is that it does take time to master and you run the risk of crossing the line and offending the girl. (You will offend a girl at some point.)

It looks like the days of winking at girls and calling them sweetie is over. Unless you are dealing with an elderly woman, this will not get the response you want. So let’s look more into being more teaseful and cocky.

Being cocky implies that you have confidence (or else why would you be cocky?). This gets most girls attention. The overall attitude you want to have is this:

“This girl is annoying. Too many guys have treated her like a princess. Time to show her that I’m not impressed by her.”

You’ll start saying things that DON’T seek her approval, and this in turn is how attraction is built. In effect you flirt by not flirting. She will wonder why you are not putting her on a pedestal like every other guy out there.

When you adopt that attitude you start telling her things like “What’s in it for me?” and “Do you normally act like this?” If you’ve never said things like that to a girl then it may take you some time time until you get comfortable doing it. But if you’re already in the game then you are probably nodding your head at the effectiveness of this type of attitude.

Understand: flirting like how our parents did will not get you far. Times have changed and girls will not be attracted to guys showing obvious interest unless they already like how you look, but if you were a great looking guy chances are you wouldn’t be reading this right now.

Your flirting will be anti-flirting, where with a smirk you say things that a guy who is not interested in would say. Remember that human nature drives people towards that which drives away from them. You will need to experiment with a lot of different lines and see what type of response they get.