I bought Bang a couple of months ago and have enjoyed reading it. I’ve also been reading/listening to Carlos Xuma’s “Secrets of the Alpha Man” program. He stresses that men should not touch a woman or try to sleep with her too soon, as this conveys neediness and impatience. In fact he states that a woman will usually get close and let the man know when she’s ready to physically escalate (whether that be touching or having sex).

From my understanding, your view is that a man should always get touchy/feely on the first date and go for the lay sooner rather than later.

I’m quite inexperienced when it comes to women, and am wondering what to do with these 2 conflicting points of view. What are your thoughts on this?

My Answer:

Great question.

The truth is both are correct. Remember that there are many to skin a cat.

When you want to screen a girl for her easiness, it’s best to touch her early and often. If she accepts your advances you know that this girl is probably horny and wants to fuck.

When you want to get a girl chasing you, then it’s best not to touch much. Let her work for it.

You can get laid using both methods, but the first method is for beginners who don’t have tight enough game to get girls to chase them yet. Basically you’re just trying to turn the girl on by touching. The second method is more advanced when your shit is together and no longer have to work as hard. I have moved more towards the second method, but when I know a girl is trying to fuck, I touch often.

Flirting and building attraction is crucial when it comes to helping the girl decide that she wants to sleep with you. Before I knew how attraction really worked, I'd approach a girl and talk about boring topics such as work or her favorite movies, and then she would politely excuse herself from the conversation only a couple minutes into it. But now I know better. When you talk about more interesting topics, she sees you as more interesting. Obvious, right? With a couple additional techniques, the "interesting" is turned into strong attraction.

Once attraction is built you can get her number and take her on a date or go for the one night stand (my preferred method). I teach you how to do all this in my book Bang, which details my complete banging system with step-by-step strategies such as The Four Key Moves To Intimacy (for when you want to kiss her) and my bedroom technique for sealing the deal. And of course my book tells you how to keep a fun conversation going, whether you just met her or are on a date.

If you had a system for building strong attraction with random girls you meet, would you get laid more than you are now? If you answered yes, then click here to learn more about Bang today.

First, if you’re getting vibes from other girls, get your girl drunk so she’s oblivious to your moves.

Next, wait until your girl goes to the bathroom then approach the girl. Due to the time limitation we’re going direct.

“Hey I think you’re kind of cute. Do you like hairy men with beards?

Change “hairy men with beads” to a physical quality that you possess. Include a self-depreciative quality to tap her funny bone.

If you get a yes or maybe say, “Well I got some good news!”

Continue with, “Look so tonight I’m hanging out with my friend and she’s nice and all but she’s just a friend. I don’t have time to get to know you right now but do you want to grab a drink some time and talk? If after one drink we don’t get along then I’ll make an excuse about how my cat has a headache and then we go our separate ways.”

If she responds positively, say, “What’s your number?”

Sneak in a quick peck on the lips even though you act like you’re going to kiss her on the cheek. You must try to make some lip contact.

If your girl busts you say it’s an old college classmate and you didn’t want to be rude.

This doesn’t have a particular high success rate but it’s the best we can do given the situation. “Direct” openers tend to be less successful than not because you force the girl right then and there to decide if she likes you. In most cases I recommend you use “indirect” game where you don’t show your cards right away.

After trying dozens and dozens of different indirect openers, I finally settled on two that are my “defaults,” meaning they are powerful enough that I can use them regardless of the girl or the environment. I share them in my book Bang, along with others you can use for bars, clubs, daytime spots, and even the gym.

You can take the time to make up openers on your own, experimenting over the next several months, or you can learn mine and get started using something that works off the bat. If you want to learn my favorite natural openers that are easy to use and actually work, click here to learn about my book Bang today.

What the f*&%?!

And she said it with such disdain. It put me on the spot and I didn’t have a good comeback. I said, “No hablo ingles,” a terribly weak response. I just wasn’t prepared.

Even thinking about it now, there isn’t an obvious correct move. If I say yes then I show my cards right away, but if I say no then I set myself up for, “So why are you looking at her? Why are you talking to her? It’s obvious you like her.”

This cockblock was so effective that I had a dream about it. I woke up and decided to harness its power and adapt it for use on other guys. Now if a guy is moving in on a girl I’m interested in, and I feel that I’m losing power, I can ask him in front of her, “Do you like her?”

If he says yes then I can put him in a bad position by saying, “Well you should buy her a drink then!” If he buys her a drink then he’s just another beta male in the bar and if he doesn’t then it looks awkward because he just verbally admitted his affection for her.

If he says he doesn’t like her or weasels out of answering I’ll say, “Well there are a lot of girls here. I’m sure you will find someone who you like if you keep trying. Don’t give up!” He’s done. It’s like I’m giving him relationship advice in front of the girl.

He is going to scramble and say, “Oh, um, I’m not here to pick up girls.” Now he just put his dick in a box. Without even raising your voice or having to get tough, you can suck the game out of any guy with very simple verbal ninja. Hell, this technique worked on me even though I spend the bulk of my time thinking about these things.

It’s okay to get bitched in the field. But it’s not okay to get bitched in the same way twice. A great thing about experience is that you put yourself in a lot of situations that you’ll see more than once. Use your down time to think about how to better react for the next time.

That’s all it means to have “tight” game—to be ready for whatever is thrown at you. It’s about refining and improving what you do until it’s mastered.

So I thought about what to say the next time a fat girl asks me if I like her friend. I’ll say, “Why do you ask, do you want me to like her? Because I like everyone!” Then I’ll put my arms around both girls and say how I’m having a great time. All this is done with a huge smile on my face. I want to squash her negativity with a fun party vibe that makes her look really bad if she continues cockblocking.

I think this is much better than saying “I don’t speak English” in Spanish.

It’s only by THINKING, with the help of experience, that I figured out this easy method to put the brakes on other guys. It’s how I came up with a lot of tricks that have made getting laid easy.

Now I’m sure there’s a lot of guys who get laid more than me, but the problem is they’re unable to explain why they’re successful. These “naturals” will say something trivial like “Just be cool” or “Be funny” when you ask them how they always get girls. The reason is because they simply don’t know what they do correctly.

Well I’m not a natural. I’ve had to learn everything the hard way, and I’ve examined every little behavior and line and move to see if it works or not. After six years of experiencing and thinking about game, I captured all the techniques that actually work, that are explainable and reproducible for other average guys just like me, into a book called Bang.

If you find yourself in the spot where you’re not getting the girls you want, then I think the system I teach will make your life a lot less frustrating. With my book you will build the confidence and know-how to bang a girl quickly without having to wine and dine her in the hopes that she may open her legs. If you’re doubtful about how much my book can help you, then click here to learn about everything inside Bang.

You’re at a bar talking to some girl. The first question she asks you is “What do you do?” You reply, “I’m a world-class clay potter. I do exhibits here in D.C.” The girl looks at her friend and rolls her eyes. “What a loser, bragging about clay pots,” she thinks. The conversation dies down a couple minutes later.

You’re at a bar talking to some girl. The first question she asks you is “What do you do?” You reply, “You mean for money?”

“Uh yeah for money.”

“Well it’s complicated.”

“Complicated?”

“Yeah well I work with the Earth. I make things with mud and dirt. Then I sell my mud creations to discerning individuals.”

“Are you serious?” she asks.

“Yeah I love mud. I just have this thing for mud. I mean, who doesn’t?”

“I don’t,” she scoffs.

“Well that’s a shame. Thanks to mud, I’m able to come to bars like this and buy this beer. Cause of MUD.”

“You’re weird.”

Then she gives you a look, wondering if you’re serious or not. Three hours later you’re banging her on your bed. On her way out, she notices a picture of you handing a clay pot to the mayor of some small Eastern European town, a piece you sold him years ago. You call her a few days later and she agrees to go out with you, and you sleep with her again.

Logic dictates that you should directly state an accomplishment to a girl in hopes of bedding her, but as many guys know, this doesn’t work. If logic worked, guys would be wearing t-shirts with their yearly income and/or dick size (the latter for me), yet in reality they would be labeled a douche and laughed out the bar.

Be shady and dance around the answer instead. Purposefully not impressing a girl is the best way to impress her, since it shows you don’t care about her and that your value is higher than hers.

Let her find out things eventually on her own by accident (after some insinuation on your part) where the effect will be much more potent. Let her think: “Why didn’t he brag about this great accomplishment?” Let her come at you with a million personal questions instead of you laying it out there for her.

Before I studied the game no attractive girl would ask me questions about myself because I had no idea know how to convey my interesting qualities in a confident, non-needy manner. So the only girls who would hang out with me in college were ones who wanted to use my brain to help them study for exams. I was always the friend and never the guy that girls were sexually attracted to.

After college I decided to get this part of my life handled. I was lucky to have a couple friends who were club rats and knew how to approach and game women. I started off copying their moves and lines and in the course of six years I developed a system on my own that consistently builds attraction and results in phone numbers, make-outs, and bangs.

I no longer have to be friends with girls in the hopes that maybe one day she will want to have sex with me. I no longer hug my pillow at night wondering why I got shafted yet again. Now I meet a girl, game her, and wait for her to ask me questions that serves as a green light to take the interaction to the next level.

I recorded my system into an book that I call Bang. It has everything that I know about girls divided into five chapters of game: Internal, Early, Middle, Late, and End Game.

I’m confident it’s the only book you’ll ever need to read about banging girls, and I completely back it up with a no-questions-asked money back guarantee. If you’ve ever spotted a girl you were attracted to and wondered how you could talk to her in a way that ends in sex, then Bang is for you. Click here to read ten full-length sample pages of Bang today.

I have an extremely good female friend (platonic — who i’m not physically interested in ) — but I love hanging out with her, but usually leave her home when I’m going to go do pick-up. Whenever I bring her out, I feel like she kills my game; either because I’d rather hang out with her than most of the dumb girls I meet, or most girls just assume she’s my girlfriend. Is there a better way to play this? She has a very beginners knowledge of pick-up stuff that I’ve told her, and is conventionally attractive. I don’t want to her use her in anyway that would be weird later on — if i started dating some girl i picked up — since i would want the new girl to hang out with my friends.

So far the only way I’ve made this work — is when i was out with her + other friends, saw a girl across the bar that I had picked up the week before, and made her go over — make friends with the new girl (”randomly”) — then acted like it was a coincidence later on (oh my god — you’re friends with so and so too?)

Any ideas?

My Answer:

You answered your own question. Cut her loose. Hang out with her once every two weeks at most. I had the same problem, hanging out with three lady friends. With them i felt like they were watching and judging me. Eventually I ditched them and got some guy friends and had a lot more success. Knowing girls, she will give you slight cutting remarks that discourage you and plus you won’t be able to go balls out because you will wonder what she thinks. Pick up is hard enough—you don’t need that on your shoulder.

I’m sure you can somehow introduce her into your game to help, but she won’t help you more than with a proper wingman. Lady friends kill game.

It would be a waste to spend all that time approaching and talking to get her number and then blow it on the phone when you try to set a date. What's even more important than getting a number is knowing what to do with it.

I remember when I went on a number collecting spree for six months just to practice my phone game. I was tired of it costing me notches, and didn't get very far with using e-mail. I tested everything I could, even seemingly basic things like the best times to call, until I settled on the most optimal system that resulted in the greatest number of first dates.

In my book Bang I share with you my phone game in several very detailed pages, from how to get her on the phone, when to call her, what voicemail message to leave, what to say when you call her, and how to ask her out. And my phone conversation strategy helps you avoid any awkward silence when you get her on the phone.

It may take a few tries for you to successfully adopt my phone system, but I think it will be a big improvement if you don't already have one in place right now. Click here to learn more about my book Bang today, where it's all spelled out for you in very clear, no-bullshit language.

On the first column list the bars or clubs you have frequented the most in the last four years, especially ones you’ve gotten laid from. If you have gotten laid from a non-alcoholic venue like a particular coffee shop then include that in the list too.

In the second column estimate as best as you can the number of times you’ve been to each place during those four years.

In the third column list the number of times you’ve banged a girl that you met at each venue.

Finally in the fourth column divide the two numbers to get a success rate percentage.

Is the highest percentage venue the one you go to most often?

Let’s take this a step further. In the fifth column put down a dollar amount that is your average cost for a night out at each venue.

In the sixth column multiply columns two and five to get total money spent.

Then lastly in the seventh column divide columns six and three, to get the average cost per notch from each venue. Surprised?

I lamented the close of Dragonfly, the Washington DC venue I banged quite a few of women at, but I’ve been so many times that turns out my success rate there was rather pitiful and my cost per notch astronomical at five times higher than the next best venue.

There is even a bar that is one of my current favorites that the numbers don’t justify I visit while a bar across the street that I often skip has yielded much better fruit.

Why do I continue to select venues against my best interests? I don’t know but the numbers don’t lie, no matter how much I think one place is better than the next.

While bars and clubs are the dominant venues I talk about my book Bang, in the Appendix I share advice on how to pick up girls in other situations like on the street, from a car, in a coffee shop, and in the gym.

Have you ever had the problem where you saw a girl you liked, but didn’t know how to have a conversation with her? Well that’s the exact problem Bang solves, by giving you tons of lines that you can use almost anywhere. If you’re looking for a game resource that helps you talk to women, then click here to read sample pages of Bang today.

If her friends are hanging on her like glue and you sense a moment where you can escalate the interaction, try this simple yet effective isolation move:

“How about you come to the bar with me so I can get a drink…”

If the bar is especially crowded, leave your hand out for her to grab and lead her to the bar, but DO NOT buy her a drink. Get one drink and offer her a few sips. Linger at the bar, put your arm on her waist, and make a move before your drink is done.

1. Cockblockers. You think her friends are going to let you sweep her off her feet? You’ll be lucky if you can get in a ten minute conversation before the friend pulls her away.

2. Noise. Especially in the clubs, it can be very hard to have a normal conversation with a girl. So that leaves the dance option available, but talking is the best choice to build a connection. Unless she is attracted to your look she will get bored of dancing and then go on to the next guy.

3. Alcohol. Now this is a double edged sword. On one hand it makes both you and the girl you are talking to more social, but after a certain point the girls will get so drunk so at best you will get a sloppy makeout. It will be rare a drunk girl’s friend will let you take her home (see number 1), and getting her phone number will be useless since she’ll forget about you the next day.

4. Other guys. I still haven’t found a bar that regularly has more girls than guys. Chances are you will be competing against a whole lot of desperate guys and unless you approach often you will be lost in this sea of sausage. It’s not hard to separate yourself from them if you stand out from the crowd with your own style and game, but it does mean you have to put some work into it.

5. Time. Unless you live in a large metropolitan area, the only times you can find a decent number of girls in bars or clubs is on the weekends. So that means you wait the entire week to talk to a girl for a few hour window come Friday night.

Even with all those negative, there are many pick up artists getting laid at nightspots. Lucky for you that 90% of guys have absolutely no game. They just hold the wall up with their warm beer hoping girls talk to them. So here’s my five best tips to approach in bars and clubs:

1. Play the numbers game. When you are approaching girls in the daytime, it can happen that you get an email or number from each girl you approach, but at night the odds are stacked against you. To battle that you need to concentrate on quantity, especially until you build you game up. Don’t leave the house unless you have an intent to approach at least 10 girls, and actually count as you do your approaches.

2. Use funny openers. Funny openers work much better at night. A good one to use is to pick a celebrity you kind of look like, then go up to a group of girls and say, “Hey guys, do I look like *celebrity*.” After they answer, tell them you were wondering because the last girl you talked said you looked like him and you weren’t sure if she was serious or joking around.

3. Touch touch touch. Girls who are intoxicated are much more receptive to touching than sober girls. Take advantage of that by touching often as you pass the 10 and 15 minute mark of the conversation. Good places are her shoulder and small of her back. As you get deeper into the conversation and she responds positively, you can start touching her hands.

4. Go for the make out, not the number. It’s a fools game to go for numbers in bars because the chance she will return your first call is pretty low. In fact if 33% of your numbers call back then you are dealing very well. Okay there are exceptions. If you’ve been talking to her for hours and you have an incredible connection, then by all means go for the phone number, but in that case you should be getting the make out first. Shoot for the ceiling first, and treat the number as a backup prize.

5. Remember this is just a game. There really is no reason to hesitate approaching or experimenting in a bar or club, the last place where you should be nervous or scared about anything. If you bomb, do you really think the girls are going to remember you a day from now? Even if you get a number after talking to her for 15 minutes they might forget you! Bottom line is treat it like a game, don’t give a shit, and keep approaching girls until you are either exhausted or come home with something.

One thing that doesn’t work on waitresses is showing off with money. Chances are she gets it a dozen times a day and eventually it becomes hard for her to distinguish all the guys that are hinting at how much money they make. If you want to pick up a waitress the best angle to take is “poor service” angle. Let me explain…

You want to tease her that the service is not that great. For example she’ll bring you a drink and you joke, “This drink doesn’t have enough ice… the service here is really bad.” You say this with a smile on your face. That’s the key! She knows you’re just fucking around.

Later say that you and your friend want to change waitresses with one who is more “warm and affectionate.” The idea is to bust her balls that she isn’t trying hard enough. Waitresses are very receptive to this type of game. Try it.

You should get to the point where you are having longer and longer conversation each time she comes to your table. If the restaurant is busy then this is going to be hard to accomplish because she simply won’t have the time to chat, but otherwise she may stick around the table for a minute or longer. Your goal is to ask her out for a drink before you get the check, so that she writes her number on the bill.

1. Blackjack. It’s not too hard meeting girls playing blackjack, a social game that breeds a lot of interaction among your fellow players. A simple “Where are you from?” will get a conversation going. Just don’t get too distracted and lose your money.

2. The clubs. Every major casino has a club inside and you simply have to ask around to get free passes. Only thing is most clubs are absolutely mobbed on the weekends so they may be hard to get into if you don’t have girls on you or reserve an expensive table. The clubs don’t have the friendliest girls you meet, who are more concerned with looking good and getting free drinks than hooking up, but if you’re used to the uptight East Coast scene then you may be pleasantly surprised. The hottest clubs are Pure in Caesars Palace, The Bank in Wynn, Tao in Venetian, and Body English in Hard Rock.

3. The bars. This is your best bet, especially the center bar at the Hard Rock casino. Just go there! It’s the only bar I’ve ever been to that has girls still rolling in after 5am, and if you don’t want to drop a lot of cash on a Vegas weekend, I can’t think of another place that offers friendly and hot girls. Another bar you want to visit is Freakin Frog near the UNLV campus.

4. The strip. During the day you will find many girls roaming around the strip with their oversized drink glasses. You can definitely approach them under the guise of something you’re looking for. Then you shift the conversation to what she is doing later in the night.

Las Vegas is a good place to come if you have a good amount of money to drop, but I don’t recommend it overall as a place to pick up girls because you will just be counting on getting a one night stand in a placer that is probably the shallowest place on Earth. Good luck.

If you need tips on how to approach girls in Las Vegas, specifically opening lines and conversational pieces to keep things going while building attraction, check out my book Bang, which goes on for pages on how to approach and keep the interaction going. Click here to learn more.