Archive for the ‘Bars & Clubs’ Category:
There’s a reason why, when two things are really different, people say “it’s like night and day.” Night and day are about as opposite as it gets. This is also the case for the corresponding type of game you should run during them. Something that seems perfectly reasonable in a night club will get you drummed out of Starbucks during the day. Night game and day game are two very different animals. Yet, a lot of guys who know something about how to approach a girl in the safety of a dark room will try to do basically the same thing in a bookstore or subway, only to be perplexed when the girl ignores his texts or walks away from him mid-sentence. Part of being a well-rounded man is understanding these different knowledges and abilities. I don’t need to tell you that confining yourself to one type of venue or part of the day can seriously limit your success. Neither type of game is easier or harder, just different.
During the day…
1. Simplicity is king.
Elaborate openers and dramatic behavior can sometimes yield results in the night-club environment, especially when they’re unique and do a good job of getting a girl’s attention. The same goes for what you wear. A loud article might get you noticed, as long as it’s not too ridiculous. But, during the day, these sorts of things will get you written off as weird and, nine times out of ten, will scare the girl off. Your goal is to spark mild, gradually increasing intrigue, not to create a big splash.
2. Shields are down (or rather, different shields are up).
When a girl gets ready to out at night, she assembles an elaborate costume that often makes her look nothing like herself: an impractically short dress, high heels, straightened hair, tons of make-up, and jewelry. With every layer that she slaps on, her confidence grows. By the time she walks out the door, she has a “girl swagger” borne from “knowing she looks good.” Even an ugly, fat girl’s sense of worth will be a few clicks higher after donning her costume.
This is worsened by being with a group of girlfriends who are all dressed that way and constantly validate each other’s “sexiness” by telling one another, successfully get noticed through attention-whoring, and then repeatedly reject guys who are fawning attention on them. With every rejection, her confidence climbs higher. It’s a vicious, self-reinforcing loop.
During the day, this form of “night courage” is greatly diminished, even if a girl is well dressed. What you get instead is a greater suspiciousness toward strangers and reluctance to engage in conversation. A girl’s “weirdness” meter is at full sensitivity; even the slightest awkwardness can set it off. This is why the best day-game approaches are ones that are gradual, gentle, and unfold organically.
3. Outcomes are more modest.
The reason guys still go out at night is because you can do major damage pretty quickly. If you’ve done things right, it’s not unreasonable to be making out with a girl 30 minutes after you’ve met her in a bar. Alcohol is a powerful social lubricant that, when combined with the cover of darkness and loud music, provides a powerful atmosphere for sex. This will rarely happen at a bookstore. It’s not uncommon to take a girl home the same night you met her at a bar, but even getting an “insta-date” (where you go somewhere else with a girl) is quite rare during the day. What you get at the end of a vast majority of well-executed day approaches is a warm lead (in the form of a phone number) that you can later convert into something more.
4. Indicators of interest are far more subtle.
In the safety of the bar atmosphere, a girl will do all sorts of things that she would never think of doing during the day. At night, a girl who’s even somewhat interested in you might: grind against your erect phallus for 45 minutes on the dance floor, kiss you on the cheek for no reason, tell you you’re cute, grab your arm when you make her laugh, or perform a multitude of similar behaviors. This simply won’t happen during the day, where asking you a personal question about what you do, holding eye contact while you’re talking, or grinning for a straight minute might be really good signs.
5. Groups are harder to penetrate.
In a club, you can come up to a group of three girls, chat them up for a few minutes, make them laugh, and eventually angle to isolate your target for long enough to kiss her or to persuade her to leave with you. During the day, a group of girls is nearly impossible to break up. The exception is a retail environment, where a group may temporary split up to browse the shelves, but even this is rare. Generally speaking, you will have more success with individual girls, though exceptions do occur.
A big part of being successful during the day is to understand these and other differences, and to adapt your day game accordingly. Keep these in mind and you will greatly expand your pool of available girls.
Even if you’re a beginner, your texting skills will sooner or later net you actual dates with girls. But getting a girl to go out with you doesn’t mean your hard work is over; you’ve merely moved into the next level of the video game, which carries with it its own set of enemies and bosses. Unlike your previous interactions with the girl, the date is a complex, extended exchange with many variables to consider. There’s a fine line between a poorly executed date, where the girl never contacts you again, and a successful one, where you have sex with the girl or situate things so it can happen on a subsequent date.
A lot of what determines this is simple logistics: the what/where/when of your planning and execution. The underlying principle of good logistics is, in the simplest terms, always planning with sex in mind. Even if your dates don’t lead to sex—and they often won’t—planning for the best-case scenario will make you more successful, more often.
Good date-logistics start with the basics: choosing a suitable venue and time. There’s no perfect place, so don’t obsess over this. Don’t plan anything complicated, distracting, or otherwise gratuitous, like skydiving or horseback riding. Since you’re supposed to be “getting to know each other,” you’re not going to raise any eyebrows by selecting a simple bar or night lounge. Night is always better than day. And it’s always best to go to a place that serves alcohol, since coffee-shop or restaurant dates rarely lead to any kind of intimacy. Your goal is to establish a mood.
Coffee shops simply don’t provide the atmosphere for physical escalation. When was the last time you saw a guy make out with a girl at Starbucks? Restaurants are even worse. A girl with a full stomach is a girl with an empty vagina. The digestion process pulls blood away from the reproductive organs for both of you—especially if it’s a heavy meal with tons of cheese and meat. So even if she wanted to have sex before the meal, she’s not going to want to while she’s busy digesting and secretly farting every five minutes. Food also absorbs alcohol. So even if you drink eating, she’s not going to get into that relaxed, fun mood that is conducive to sex.
Schedule your dates after standard dinner time. If you end up in a place where they serve food, and the girl announces she’s hungry, say “you get food, I already ate.” She’ll likely get something small, so she doesn’t appear like a total porker in front of you—or will ask you to split something with her, where you can further control the selection. (The exception, of course, is if she’s fat, where she’s already demonstrated little shame in her eating behavior, as telegraphed by her sloppy physique that loudly advertises her love for food to the entire world.) Best case: avoid places that serve anything beyond light “tapas.”
Some bars are definitely better than others. It’s best if you already have venues in mind that are cool, comfortable, not too crowded or loud, and most importantly, conveniently located. That “perfect bar” that requires taking three buses or driving 45 minutes on the interstate to get there is going to do you no good. Ideally, you want to choose a venue from which you can easily and comfortably move to your place (or hers). It doesn’t need to be next door (this, in fact, might seem a little too transparent), but it should be accessible. Oftentimes, the only thing that keeps a girl from coming home with you is that it’s somehow difficult, time-consuming, or awkward. You need to anticipate and remove as many of those objections ahead of time as you can.
Smart venue selection can make all the difference between a memorable night with your date and another night of jerking off to Internet porn. Plan ahead and reap your rewards.
Among the Iron Laws of Game Economics is that: one way or another you’re going to spend money on getting the girl. Chances are you’re already spending serious coin on just getting face time with girls. Whether it’s outrageous cover charges or your silly t-shirt with studded angel-wings painted on the shoulder blades, passive and indirect costs can get significant when you’re systematically going out to meet girls. But setting those expenses aside (because some guys, like me, are quite good at mitigating them), you’re also going to spend money on directly dealing with girls. And, most of the time, that’s going to mean buying drinks.
It’s best to accept that buying alcohol for girls you’re trying to bang is pretty much a necessary evil. Guys will tell tales about how they didn’t spend a single dollar on a girl and slept with her anyway or, in some exceptional cases, somehow made money in the deal. (In fact, I once spent $1.37 over the course of an entire two-month relationship with a girl, not counting gas money.) But absent those cases, alcohol is often an important factor in getting a girl into bed. Alcohol loosens a girl up, makes her comfortable with you, and makes her more amenable to sex. Even if you don’t pound it that night, having drinks with her builds positive memories of having “fun” with you, which eventually leads to the bang.
Does that mean you should start throwing drinks at random chicks in hopes of getting laid? Absolutely not. In fact, that’ll produce the opposite effect. Unless you buy girls drinks the right way, in the right setting, all you’re doing is crushing money into her vagina—and losing respect in the process. I can’t count the times I’ve seen a guy in a bar buy a random girl a drink, only to get a 10-minute courtesy conversation and nothing else. Girls go to bars and clubs precisely because these venues are among the most advantageous settings for them. For a small fee (or no cost at all), girls get massive attention (something they covet as much as we covet sex), the luxury of turning down dozens of horny guys, and free drinks from chump drink-providers.
Here’s how to avoid becoming a drink-chump:
1. Buy Drinks Only for Girls That Have “Earned It”. Buying drinks for girls you don’t know, who haven’t made any kind of investment in you (e.g., going out on a date), or given you anything (like a kiss) is a sucker’s game. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to impress a girl by buying her things. If a girl has come out with you on a “date,” made out with you in the corner, or bought you a drink earlier in the night, she’s probably earned a drink from you. If a girl has the temerity to ask you for a drink, hit her with a strong wise-crack (e.g., “would you prefer the cash?”) and the rest will take care of itself.
2. “I’ll Get the First Round”. I learned this line when I was first getting into game and it remains, to this day, one of the most powerful in my arsenal. It’s best saved for pre-bang drink “dates.” It communicates two important messages: (1) I’m not a total cheap-ass who won’t buy you anything; but also (2) I’m not your free-refills drinking fountain for the night. I still crack a smile when, after the first round, a girl takes out her purse and asks me what I want.
3. The Power of Sharing Drinks. There are occasions when you’re vibing a girl at the bar, you want to keep her happily buzzed, but don’t want to ruin the interaction (and your cash flow) by buying her a drink. A solid middle-ground is offering to share a drink with her. This accomplishes several things at once: it starts to subconsciously prepare her for fluid exchange with you, it allows you to “critique” the drink together, it keeps her drinking, and it keeps you from looking like a drink provider. Not only that, you can often take turns with her on buying drinks for you to share, further escalating the effects.
As long as you follow these three guidelines, the drinks you buy will help you connect with the girl instead of the other way around.
If a girl accuses you of using a line, especially right after your opener, she’s not going to fuck you. It simply won’t happen, no matter how much you think you can recover. It’d be like trying to sell an SUV to an environmentalist. Chances are she came out to make men feel small and get free drinks, so therefore you must go over the top and put that bitch in her place.
Here’s what you to say:
“Well it got me laid last week with some slut. I don’t see why it shouldn’t work again.”
Enjoy the embarrassed look on her face as she stews in silence trying to think of a comeback. Then turn your back on her. She’ll think twice before saying that nonsense to another man.
If she accuses you of using lines much later in the interaction, like at the 30 minute point or beyond, she’s telling you to “Be real.” You still got a shot.
Approaching is the hardest part of the game. There is nothing natural or easy about walking up to a girl you don't know and talking to her in a way that makes her laugh, builds attraction, and ends with her giving you her phone number.
After approaching hundreds of different girls with all types of openers, I finally settled on two that are my "defaults," meaning they are powerful enough that I can use them regardless of the girl or the environment. I share them in my book Bang, along with others you can use for bars, clubs, daytime spots, and even the gym. It has 64 pages on Early Game that focus exclusively on the approach and what to say immediately after. I share dozens of conversation tips with tons of word-for-word examples, and I also teach you the concept of threads to keep the interaction going without having awkward silences.
You can take the time to make up openers on your own, experimenting over the next several months, or you can learn mine and get started using something that works off the bat. If you want to learn my favorite natural openers that are easy to use and actually work, click here to learn more about my book Bang today.