Archive for the ‘Attraction’ Category:
As you probably already know, being good at getting laid requires a cocktail of skills. You can’t just memorize a bunch of one-liners and expect to see meaningful results. You can’t lean hard on your inner game alone, not approach, and wait for girls to line up outside your apartment. And, of course, a pile of phone numbers is useless without some good text game. The reality is that you need to work on several areas at once, advancing each when you sense that one is falling behind or keeping you from getting to that next level.
An often-neglected part of that is optimizing your look. A lot of guys with serviceable game, as well as the killer instinct to deploy it, hold themselves back by not looking their best. One great thing about being a man is that looking good isn’t nearly as complicated as it is for girls. A basic understanding of fashion, your own physique, and your physical shortcomings can take you a long way. Even if you have average looks, an optimized look can make a world of difference. What’s more, because game is a feedback loop, looking good improves your overall confidence; the consequent swagger encourages more approaches; and more approaches improve your game.
Nice, stylish clothes that suit you are worth their weight in gold, but even if your whole closet is from Target, there are still things you can spend your money on to make yourself look better.
Good Face Wash and Lotion: $15-20
I’m surprised at the number of guys who walk around with dry-looking or greasy faces. Sure, you’re a man, but you’re not homeless. A healthy looking complexion can do a lot for making the panties wet—especially when a girl gets close enough to examine it or feel it. Every guy is different: maybe you sport a rugged, bearded face, or you may have a (relatively hairless) baby-face. But, whatever the case, you should at least wash and moisturize your face properly. Harsh soaps and bad shaves are often behind a lot of nasty skin problems. Go to your local “natural” beauty supply place—they all have men’s sections nowadays—or even your local drugstore, and buy a gentle cleanser and face moisturizer for your mug.
Whitening Toothpaste: $5
I’m not sure if this is a product of the Starbucks milkshake epidemic, but it seems like more and more people are walking around with brown or discolored teeth these days. I even see cute, young girls with rainbowed teeth. This is shocking, considering the number of teeth whitening products out there. I don’t recommend you go out a blast your teeth to glow-in-the-dark white with harsh bleaching agents, but it wouldn’t hurt to use a mildly whitening, national-brand toothpaste periodically. After drinking coffee or tea, rinse your mouth by swishing some clean water in your mouth. It makes a big difference. Just leave a little coffee in a white mug for few hours to see what coffee does to your teeth.
A Decent Haircut: $25-30
Nothing screams lame louder than a shitty, little-kid haircut. Still, the number of guys walking around with an unstylish cut is astounding. You don’t need to go out and spend a king’s ransom on a designer style, but look for one of these hipster barbershops that are popping up everywhere. They’re not dirt-cheap, but are still reasonably priced. Sit back and watch which of the stylists is giving a cool cut to a man and choose that person. Don’t be afraid to ask your stylist what a good cut for you would be.
Hemming Your Jeans: $12-15
Whether your jeans are a crappy, squarish pair from Wal-Mart or an expensive pair you paid good money for, none of that matters if they’re dragging on the ground or are bagging up at the bottom because they’re too long for you. Decent tailors are a dying breed, but they still exist in nearly every major city. Bring your best stuff to a real tailor (not the dry cleaners) and get them altered. You can also have jackets or shirts fixed. The right fit goes a long way.
A Good Workout Book: $15-25
At the end of the day, nothing is going to make you look and feel better than being in good physical shape. The problem is that most guys know very little about exercising properly. If you’ve been to a gym more than once, you know exactly what I mean—you’ll see guys do the craziest things, like swinging a dumbbell over their heads like a lasso. If you’re straight-up overweight, you need to start with improving your diet. But, if you’re merely out of shape, weak-looking, or suffering from serious muscle imbalance, you need a good exercise program. I like Starting Strength, but look around for one that is well-rated online and suits your lifestyle and, most importantly, follow it.
Optimizing your look is an on-going process that you should be revisiting regularly. But these basic steps are a good place to start.
I want to give two examples of how to drop the same job: a world-class clay potter.
You’re at a bar talking to some girl. The first question she asks you is “What do you do?” You reply, “I’m a world-class clay potter. I do exhibits here in D.C.” The girl looks at her friend and rolls her eyes. “What a loser, bragging about clay pots,” she thinks. The conversation dies down a couple minutes later.
You’re at a bar talking to some girl. The first question she asks you is “What do you do?” You reply, “You mean for money?”
“Uh yeah for money.”
“Well it’s complicated.”
“Yeah well I work with the Earth. I make things with mud and dirt. Then I sell my mud creations to discerning individuals.”
“Are you serious?” she asks.
“Yeah I love mud. I just have this thing for mud. I mean, who doesn’t?”
“I don’t,” she scoffs.
“Well that’s a shame. Thanks to mud, I’m able to come to bars like this and buy this beer. Cause of MUD.”
Then she gives you a look, wondering if you’re serious or not. Three hours later you’re banging her on your bed. On her way out, she notices a picture of you handing a clay pot to the mayor of some small Eastern European town, a piece you sold him years ago. You call her a few days later and she agrees to go out with you, and you sleep with her again.
Logic dictates that you should directly state an accomplishment to a girl in hopes of bedding her, but as many guys know, this doesn’t work. If logic worked, guys would be wearing t-shirts with their yearly income and/or dick size (the latter for me), yet in reality they would be labeled a douche and laughed out the bar.
Be shady and dance around the answer instead. Purposefully not impressing a girl is the best way to impress her, since it shows you don’t care about her and that your value is higher than hers.
Let her find out things eventually on her own by accident (after some insinuation on your part) where the effect will be much more potent. Let her think: “Why didn’t he brag about this great accomplishment?” Let her come at you with a million personal questions instead of you laying it out there for her.
Before I studied the game no attractive girl would ask me questions about myself because I had no idea know how to convey my interesting qualities in a confident, non-needy manner. So the only girls who would hang out with me in college were ones who wanted to use my brain to help them study for exams. I was always the friend and never the guy that girls were sexually attracted to.
After college I decided to get this part of my life handled. I was lucky to have a couple friends who were club rats and knew how to approach and game women. I started off copying their moves and lines and in the course of six years I developed a system on my own that consistently builds attraction and results in phone numbers, make-outs, and bangs.
I no longer have to be friends with girls in the hopes that maybe one day she will want to have sex with me. I no longer hug my pillow at night wondering why I got shafted yet again. Now I meet a girl, game her, and wait for her to ask me questions that serves as a green light to take the interaction to the next level.
I recorded my system into an book that I call Bang. It has everything that I know about girls divided into five chapters of game: Internal, Early, Middle, Late, and End Game.
I’m confident it’s the only book you’ll ever need to read about banging girls, and I completely back it up with a no-questions-asked money back guarantee. If you’ve ever spotted a girl you were attracted to and wondered how you could talk to her in a way that ends in sex, then Bang is for you. Click here to read ten full-length sample pages of Bang today.
I push myself out more these days and approach way more people (and chicks) than before and I’m getting rejected left right and center. And the only opener that comes to me – that I’m most comfortable with, even though I’m pretty uncomfortable, is “Hi.” Then I introduce myself and ask her name and it typically goes downhill from there.
But I’m not backing down. These days. once I start walking, I don’t care if I’m approaching lonely (but not looking for company) chicks, pairs (most common), chicks with boyfriend on their arm (I did this cause she locked eyes with me for over 10 seconds) or Attilla — suicidal, but fuck it. I have to catch up on my rejections.
This is where I’ve hit a brick wall. I’m not converting any approaches into successes. So far 100% of the girls I’ve met don’t want to sleep with me. I want attraction, then conversation. I’m not gonna ask for a number if I don’t see myself following up. Numbers don’t mean much to me. It’s the interest, so my real test would be to check if she was interested enough to ask for my number, call me or call me back.
Then there’s the butterflies, the 8-9s who are at the club/bar for god-knows-fucking-what. They’ll flit around, drink, dance with their homegirl, talk to 4 other chicks, then queen around dudes who approach them and go to the bathroom. WTF is up with that? Don’t they know California is in a state of drought. I want more game so they listen and obey. Such is the sorry state of things.
I don’t like your opener. Sure you feel comfortable doing it but it gives you very little room to do anything else. You’re making the girl decide on the spot if she likes you or not since it’s leaning direct in nature.
Focus on indirect instead and let her talk to you for a few minutes until she thinks, “Hmm he’s a cool guy.” Don’t make her decide off the bat.
That said, try guessing games. Start an opener with “Let me guess…” then follow it with an observation about her. On the subway recently I used, “Let me guess, by the way you are dressed you are going to a bar or club.” That led to a conversation about where she was going and nightlife in general. It can be anything so experiment with it (I mention a good one in Bang).
Start small. Instead of going for sex, have a goal of her showing you indicators of interest. Is she asking questions about you, like your name? Because that’s the first step in attraction. So what do you have to do to get her to be interested in you in those first few minutes? You’ll probably have to come up with a funny/original opener, you’ll have to drop some intriguing hints about yourself (“Yeah i just came from…”), and you’ll probably have to make her laugh while being confident. With the approaches you’re doing I’m sure you’ll figure it out soon but use your BRAIN and THINK about different things you can do. If you’re doing something that doesn’t work, try something else.Other than that, keep approaching, because that’s the number one thing you can do to increase your results.
Approaching is the hardest part of the game. There is nothing natural or easy about walking up to a girl you don't know and talking to her in a way that makes her laugh, builds attraction, and ends with her giving you her phone number.
After approaching hundreds of different girls with all types of openers, I finally settled on two that are my "defaults," meaning they are powerful enough that I can use them regardless of the girl or the environment. I share them in my book Bang, along with others you can use for bars, clubs, daytime spots, and even the gym. It has 64 pages on Early Game that focus exclusively on the approach and what to say immediately after. I share dozens of conversation tips with tons of word-for-word examples, and I also teach you the concept of threads to keep the interaction going without having awkward silences.
You can take the time to make up openers on your own, experimenting over the next several months, or you can learn mine and get started using something that works off the bat. If you want to learn my favorite natural openers that are easy to use and actually work, click here to learn more about my book Bang today.
Here’s a reader question about getting with a girl at work:
I recently bought your book due to a friend telling me about it and your blog. I especially enjoyed the book since it was to the point unlike some of the other “game” books out there. I look forward to your next book and will purchase it if you plan on putting another book out. I am writing to you to ask you some questions, some advice and to get an outside opinion on my current situation.
I met this girl at work a few months ago by teasing her, etc. (calling her mopey since she never seems to smile at work, accusing her of being 30 when she isn’t, etc.) This girl is sort of quiet/introverted and at work, she doesn’t really talk to anyone outside of me. So the past few months, we’ve gone to lunch a lot with each other, etc. and sent each other bullshit emails, talked about some personal stuff like family, etc. So it seemed we had a good rapport we each other. Well in late June, I find out that she got engaged since I saw a ring on her ring finger. I call her out on it and she says nonchalantly that she got engaged but sort of changes the subject.
I was sort of surprised at this because girls always talk about their ring, etc. when they get engaged. For some reason, she seemed to never tell me about a bf/fiancee even though other coworkers have asked her about it. Coming back from lunch (before she got engaged) one time, I mentioned if she had any plans for the weekend outside of washing her hair (said in a sarcastic manner) and bought up doing something with a bf, etc. Big mistake there on my part. She didn’t answer that question and just ignored it and had a pissed off look on her face.
I guess you are wondering where I’m getting the idea that I think she might be interested in me. An example would be her asking me if I would ever go to Ohio (where she’s from) a few times and on my birthday which was on July 10, she being all excited than I was that it was my birthday and buying me lunch. I’ve teased her other times before and gave her ultimatums like “If I train you on this, you have to buy me lunch.” or “If I tell you about how I learned about embassy parties, you have to buy me lunch.” She always says no, but ends up buying me lunch anyhow when we go to lunch together. I don’t really care about getting a free lunch but was really surprised that the teasing actually resulted in her buying me a lunch. I just find it weird that a girl with a bf/fiancee would be buying lunches for some other dude, that’s all.
At lunch on my birthday, she asked me what I had planned for that night and I sort of was vague and just mentioned that I was having a nice birthday dinner. She kept trying to find out details about it, etc. but I wanted to keep the mystery since I know girls love that type of nonsense. Here is an an reply email I got from her on my birthday when I forwarded her a work related email: “Thanks for all of your help! I hope you have a great time tonight! Happy Birthday! Thanks for having lunch with me! “It’s possible I might be reading into these things a bit much and hence why I need your outside opinion.
I guess another problem is that I feel maybe she might be using me for the attention since she’s probably not used to it since she’s shy/introverted. Hence, why I have these mixed feelings about the situation. But then I wonder if maybe there’s something there since she never talks about her fiancee in my presence even though she just got engaged. I even brought up her wedding next year, and she talked about it in a neutral manner.
Another thing is that last week, I had to stay late for a work related project and she stayed late to help me out also. I told her that she didn’t have to but she did anyway without complaint. And the next day, she said if I needed any more help that she would stay late again. We were at work till 8pm for that day we stayed late. Of course, I didn’t make a move and wasn’t sure if I should have. Do you have any advice on that? I’ve had one other friend tell me that I should try to figure her out at a future company happy hour since alcohol would be involved, but I figured I would seek your advice.
I apologize for the long winded email since I know you probably get hundreds of these. I would just like to seek your advice on this situation and see how I can get her to dump her fiancee (they’ve been only been together for a year and a half from what I’ve heard) and what I need to do to win her. I guess you can say I like the challenge of doing this instead of forgetting about her and going after some other girl. I appreciate your sage like advice and look forward to your reply.
Why does it matter if there’s something “there” or not? It’s not your job to analyze her attraction for you by dissecting every little sign. Your job is to isolate her and advance, which you have not done! That’s the only way to find out. If you like her and want to have sex with her, whether she is engaged or not, simply ask her out for drinks after work. Drink with her, tease her some more, touch some more, and then when she feels like no one is watching (since she is engaged), go in for the kiss. If she rejects you then who cares! Otherwise you’ll get some action out of it. You’re making this way more difficult than it needs to be.
Making a move is not dependent on how she feels about you, since you will never be sure. All that matters is if you want to and if you can get her isolated. Stop thinking and start doing. Good luck.