Approaches That Go Nowhere

Reader question…

I push myself out more these days and approach way more people (and chicks) than before and I’m getting rejected left right and center. And the only opener that comes to me - that I’m most comfortable with, even though I’m pretty uncomfortable, is “Hi.” Then I introduce myself and ask her name and it typically goes downhill from there.

But I’m not backing down. These days. once I start walking, I don’t care if I’m approaching lonely (but not looking for company) chicks, pairs (most common), chicks with boyfriend on their arm (I did this cause she locked eyes with me for over 10 seconds) or Attilla — suicidal, but fuck it. I have to catch up on my rejections.

This is where I’ve hit a brick wall. I’m not converting any approaches into successes. So far 100% of the girls I’ve met don’t want to sleep with me. I want attraction, then conversation. I’m not gonna ask for a number if I don’t see myself following up. Numbers don’t mean much to me. It’s the interest, so my real test would be to check if she was interested enough to ask for my number, call me or call me back.

Then there’s the butterflies, the 8-9s who are at the club/bar for god-knows-fucking-what. They’ll flit around, drink, dance with their homegirl, talk to 4 other chicks, then queen around dudes who approach them and go to the bathroom. WTF is up with that? Don’t they know California is in a state of drought. I want more game so they listen and obey. Such is the sorry state of things.

My Answer:

I don’t like your opener. Sure you feel comfortable doing it but it gives you very little room to do anything else. You’re making the girl decide on the spot if she likes you or not since it’s leaning direct in nature.

Focus on indirect instead and let her talk to you for a few minutes until she thinks, “Hmm he’s a cool guy.” Don’t make her decide off the bat.

That said, try guessing games. Start an opener with “Let me guess…” then follow it with an observation about her. On the subway recently I used, “Let me guess, by the way you are dressed you are going to a bar or club.” That led to a conversation about where she was going and nightlife in general. It can be anything so experiment with it (I mention a good one in Bang).

Start small. Instead of going for sex, have a goal of her showing you indicators of interest. Is she asking questions about you, like your name? Because that’s the first step in attraction. So what do you have to do to get her to be interested in you in those first few minutes? You’ll probably have to come up with a funny/original opener, you’ll have to drop some intriguing hints about yourself (”Yeah i just came from…”), and you’ll probably have to make her laugh while being confident. With the approaches you’re doing I’m sure you’ll figure it out soon but use your BRAIN and THINK about different things you can do. If you’re doing something that doesn’t work, try something else.Other than that, keep approaching, because that’s the number one thing you can do to increase your results.

Approaching is the hardest part of the game. Unless you know what you are doing it will take hundreds of tries to get master it through trial and error (I should know because that's how I learned). If you're working on your approaching skills then check out my book Bang, which tells you how to do it from start to end. Click here to learn more...

Hitting On A Girl At Work

Here’s a reader question about getting with a girl at work:

I recently picked up your book due to a friend telling me about it and your blog. I especially enjoyed the book since it was to the point unlike some of the other “game” books out there. I look forward to your next book and will purchase it if you plan on putting another book out. I am writing to you to ask you some questions, some advice and to get an outside opinion on my current situation.

I met this girl at work a few months ago by teasing her, etc. (calling her mopey since she never seems to smile at work, accusing her of being 30 when she isn’t, etc.) This girl is sort of quiet/introverted and at work, she doesn’t really talk to anyone outside of me. So the past few months, we’ve gone to lunch a lot with each other, etc. and sent each other bullshit emails, talked about some personal stuff like family, etc. So it seemed we had a good rapport we each other. Well in late June, I find out that she got engaged since I saw a ring on her ring finger. I call her out on it and she says nonchalantly that she got engaged but sort of changes the subject.

I was sort of surprised at this because girls always talk about their ring, etc. when they get engaged. For some reason, she seemed to never tell me about a bf/fiancee even though other coworkers have asked her about it. Coming back from lunch (before she got engaged) one time, I mentioned if she had any plans for the weekend outside of washing her hair (said in a sarcastic manner) and bought up doing something with a bf, etc. Big mistake there on my part. She didn’t answer that question and just ignored it and had a pissed off look on her face.

I guess you are wondering where I’m getting the idea that I think she might be interested in me. An example would be her asking me if I would ever go to Ohio (where she’s from) a few times and on my birthday which was on July 10, she being all excited than I was that it was my birthday and buying me lunch. I’ve teased her other times before and gave her ultimatums like “If I train you on this, you have to buy me lunch.” or “If I tell you about how I learned about embassy parties, you have to buy me lunch.” She always says no, but ends up buying me lunch anyhow when we go to lunch together. I don’t really care about getting a free lunch but was really surprised that the teasing actually resulted in her buying me a lunch. I just find it weird that a girl with a bf/fiancee would be buying lunches for some other dude, that’s all.

At lunch on my birthday, she asked me what I had planned for that night and I sort of was vague and just mentioned that I was having a nice birthday dinner. She kept trying to find out details about it, etc. but I wanted to keep the mystery since I know girls love that type of nonsense. Here is an an reply email I got from her on my birthday when I forwarded her a work related email: “Thanks for all of your help! I hope you have a great time tonight! Happy Birthday! Thanks for having lunch with me! “It’s possible I might be reading into these things a bit much and hence why I need your outside opinion.

I guess another problem is that I feel maybe she might be using me for the attention since she’s probably not used to it since she’s shy/introverted. Hence, why I have these mixed feelings about the situation. But then I wonder if maybe there’s something there since she never talks about her fiancee in my presence even though she just got engaged. I even brought up her wedding next year, and she talked about it in a neutral manner.

Another thing is that last week, I had to stay late for a work related project and she stayed late to help me out also. I told her that she didn’t have to but she did anyway without complaint. And the next day, she said if I needed any more help that she would stay late again. We were at work till 8pm for that day we stayed late. Of course, I didn’t make a move and wasn’t sure if I should have. Do you have any advice on that? I’ve had one other friend tell me that I should try to figure her out at a future company happy hour since alcohol would be involved, but I figured I would seek your advice.

I apologize for the long winded email since I know you probably get hundreds of these. I would just like to seek your advice on this situation and see how I can get her to dump her fiancee (they’ve been only been together for a year and a half from what I’ve heard) and what I need to do to win her. I guess you can say I like the challenge of doing this instead of forgetting about her and going after some other girl. I appreciate your sage like advice and look forward to your reply.

Thanks

My Answer:

Why does it matter if there’s something “there” or not? It’s not your job to analyze her attraction for you by dissecting every little sign. Your job is to isolate her and advance, which you have not done! That’s the only way to find out. If you like her and want to have sex with her, whether she is engaged or not, simply ask her out for drinks after work. Drink with her, tease her some more, touch some more, and then when she feels like no one is watching (since she is engaged), go in for the kiss. If she rejects you then who cares! Otherwise you’ll get some action out of it. You’re making this way more difficult than it needs to be.

Making a move is not dependent on how she feels about you, since you will never be sure. All that matters is if you want to and if you can get her isolated. Stop thinking and start doing. Good luck.

The whole point of the game, besides some cheap thrills in the sack, is to find the quality girl you deserve instead of having to settle like most guys do. The reason you are reading this right now is because you believe the path lies in game. If you're looking to possess the whole package, from the right inner game all the way to successful dates that end in sex, check out my book Bang. It's a one-stop shop for the most important things you need to know. Click here to learn more...

What To Do When A Girl Flakes On You

Here’s a question I received recently. It’s a long read but worth it because you will likely face this type of scerario.

I need some advice regarding a girl i just met, and i have no clue what to do now. so this is what has happened so far. i was out with some friends this past friday night at some random club, and a group of girls were walking right by us. i tapped the girl who was right next to me and used my new opener, which has been working great. “hey…my friend thinks you’re italian…i think you’re irish…who’s right?” she smiled and said “im irish”.

so we began talking a little and i asked her if she wanted to dance. she agreed and we began grinding (we were standing by the dance floor anyway). while we were dancing, i held her tight and put my face next to hers…i could feel it happening. within moments we were making out, tongue and all.

i asked her if she wanted to sit down, and we went to some nearby bench and began making out heavily, and i was rubbing my hand down her entire leg..and thigh. she asked me if i wanted a shot of tequilla and we went ahead and got one. we came and sat down again and made out for a while, and this time i put my hand into her skirt and attempted to do some finger action. she said “you know im on my period…” so i laughed and slowed down.

i asked for her number and she gave it to me. so we continued kissing for a while and talking. i asked her what she found physically attractive in a guy. she said she went more for personality, and mentioned that she was really impressed that i was in medical school.

so we were hanging out for some time and then she wanted to go see her friends for a little so i went to look for my friends. they wanted to leave the club so i called the girl on her cell and she told me where she was, and then i found her and kissed her goodbye. later that night she texts me saying “ur.sexy” and i text her asking if her and her friends wanted to go out with me and my friends. she texts me back saying something like…”definitely ..we’re down!..call me!”

so saturday comes and i call her around 5ish pm and leave a msg and she texts me back saying shes at work. we continue texting back and forth and she says shell be out by 11pm and out at the bars at 1am. so eventually late at night i call her and she tells me which bar shes at. i bring my friend along and again we talk, get some drinks, and soon start making out by the bar.

later we go for a walk around the block and make out..again..and i put my hands in her pants and she starts moaning and grinding her hips. so we continued walking and talking and kissing and time flew quick. we talked about going on a date to dinner and movies, and she seemed very excited about it.

i checked the time and i told her i had to leave (it was around 2am) at this point we’re a few blocks from the bar where her friends were at, so i tell her that my car is nearby and i can drop her off. as soon as we get in my car we start making out and i put my hands in her pants and into her vagina…i think i felt a tampon? lol. but she kept saying how she hated that she was on her period. so we stop and i drop her off by the bar.

we kiss good bye…she gets out the car..but then jumps back in and kisses me again goodbye. later that night she texts me saying “sexyyy” and “hey sexy call me tomorrow” …i reply something with like “yea we should make plans for our hot date and i want to kiss every part of your body”

so on sunday…i text her asking what shes up to..around the early evening. no reply. i call her monday night, leave a message saying whats up. havent heard back from her.

some random facts: shes like 21 or 22, studying for physical therapy, works at a pizzeria, she seemed REALLY impressed that i’m in medical school, made some references to calling me dr. mcdreamy from the show greys anatomy, and kept making references to how i must be so loaded with money just cuz i drove a lexus.

i didnt tell her that it was my parents’ car. i had a slight, vague notion that she may be a “gold digger-ish” kinda girl. did i do something wrong? should i even call her or text her again?

My Answer:

First, good job on at least the hookup. Not every hookup leads to sex and even if you did something wrong, there is no way to know if that something was the cause of her not getting back in touch with you. Fact is that most hookups don’t go anywhere and that’s why going for sex as soon as possible is important, which is what you did correctly.

The main thing I would have done differently is saved the vagina fingering for inside the bedroom and teased her instead to build up the sexual tension. Other than that, she was reciprocating your attention so I can’t say for sure that you were being too needy. Girls are weird, I know, which is why there is an industry now on trying to get them into bed. Just go out there and do it again.

There is no point in calling or texting her again. If a girl pulls back like that, going into her more with multiple texts and calls will just make you feel worse.

The whole point of the game, besides some cheap thrills in the sack, is to find the quality girl you deserve instead of having to settle like most guys do. The reason you are reading this right now is because you believe the path lies in game. If you're looking to possess the whole package, from the right inner game all the way to successful dates that end in sex, check out my book Bang. It's a one-stop shop for the most important things you need to know. Click here to learn more...

How To Be Funny To Attract Girls

One day a friend said to me: “If you can make a girl laugh, you’re halfway there.” It’s true that humor is a huge attractant and acts as a tractor beam at hauling in fun girls with a sense of humor. So how exactly do you be funny?

First you need to your research, which is actually the fun part. You need to expose yourself to funny materials to understand the structure of humor. The best way to do this is through funny television shows, movies, and stand-up comedy acts.

The way that I got my humor was through watching Simpsons and Seinfeld, which has humor suitable for the general population and the girls you will hit on. Watching stand-up, such as Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock, will also show you other ways of humor.

Problem is that it’s hard to study humor as you would a subject in school. Your best alternative is to expose yourself to humor and let it “leak” into your personality. It really does start with one joke that you try that makes a girl laugh. You repeat that joke again and add more jokes as you go along. From there it builds and builds into a collection of humor that you can use to attract girls.

Since you’re not going to reinvent the wheel, it’s best to copy other people’s humor first, experiment with it, and then adapt it for your own purposes. There’s no need to sit at home coming up with original jokes when there is so much out there you can “borrow” instead.

Also, when you’re starting out with using humor as a way to build attraction, take it easy and don’t be too heavy on the humor. You’re a pick up artist, not a comedian or entertainer. Instead you just want to use bits of humor here or there to keep the conversation fun and the interaction light. It shouldn’t be the main way you use to attract women.

One last tip is to understand that being funny is a lifelong project, and it’s something you will always work on. Don’t worry if it takes time and definitely don’t stress out if your jokes are falling flat. Even the best comedians bomb every now and then, but we just don’t see it because they test most of their new jokes in small comedy clubs before you see them on television. This is something you’ll always be experimenting with.

Flirting and building attraction is where the magic happens... where she decides that she wants to sleep with you. Unless you have a plan or method for this step, you're working on blind luck. If she doesn't happen to be into your looks, do you know what to do to still get her number, a date, and more? If not then check out my book Bang, which details exactly how to build attraction. Click here to learn more...