Approaches That Go Nowhere

Reader question…

I push myself out more these days and approach way more people (and chicks) than before and I’m getting rejected left right and center. And the only opener that comes to me - that I’m most comfortable with, even though I’m pretty uncomfortable, is “Hi.” Then I introduce myself and ask her name and it typically goes downhill from there.

But I’m not backing down. These days. once I start walking, I don’t care if I’m approaching lonely (but not looking for company) chicks, pairs (most common), chicks with boyfriend on their arm (I did this cause she locked eyes with me for over 10 seconds) or Attilla — suicidal, but fuck it. I have to catch up on my rejections.

This is where I’ve hit a brick wall. I’m not converting any approaches into successes. So far 100% of the girls I’ve met don’t want to sleep with me. I want attraction, then conversation. I’m not gonna ask for a number if I don’t see myself following up. Numbers don’t mean much to me. It’s the interest, so my real test would be to check if she was interested enough to ask for my number, call me or call me back.

Then there’s the butterflies, the 8-9s who are at the club/bar for god-knows-fucking-what. They’ll flit around, drink, dance with their homegirl, talk to 4 other chicks, then queen around dudes who approach them and go to the bathroom. WTF is up with that? Don’t they know California is in a state of drought. I want more game so they listen and obey. Such is the sorry state of things.

My Answer:

I don’t like your opener. Sure you feel comfortable doing it but it gives you very little room to do anything else. You’re making the girl decide on the spot if she likes you or not since it’s leaning direct in nature.

Focus on indirect instead and let her talk to you for a few minutes until she thinks, “Hmm he’s a cool guy.” Don’t make her decide off the bat.

That said, try guessing games. Start an opener with “Let me guess…” then follow it with an observation about her. On the subway recently I used, “Let me guess, by the way you are dressed you are going to a bar or club.” That led to a conversation about where she was going and nightlife in general. It can be anything so experiment with it (I mention a good one in Bang).

Start small. Instead of going for sex, have a goal of her showing you indicators of interest. Is she asking questions about you, like your name? Because that’s the first step in attraction. So what do you have to do to get her to be interested in you in those first few minutes? You’ll probably have to come up with a funny/original opener, you’ll have to drop some intriguing hints about yourself (”Yeah i just came from…”), and you’ll probably have to make her laugh while being confident. With the approaches you’re doing I’m sure you’ll figure it out soon but use your BRAIN and THINK about different things you can do. If you’re doing something that doesn’t work, try something else.Other than that, keep approaching, because that’s the number one thing you can do to increase your results.

Approaching is the hardest part of the game. Unless you know what you are doing it will take hundreds of tries to get master it through trial and error (I should know because that's how I learned). If you're working on your approaching skills then check out my book Bang, which tells you how to do it from start to end. Click here to learn more...

Picking Up Girls With A Platonic Lady Friend Wingman

Time for another reader question…

I have an extremely good female friend (platonic — who i’m not physically interested in ) — but I love hanging out with her, but usually leave her home when I’m going to go do pick-up. Whenever I bring her out, I feel like she kills my game; either because I’d rather hang out with her than most of the dumb girls I meet, or most girls just assume she’s my girlfriend. Is there a better way to play this? She has a very beginners knowledge of pick-up stuff that I’ve told her, and is conventionally attractive. I don’t want to her use her in anyway that would be weird later on — if i started dating some girl i picked up — since i would want the new girl to hang out with my friends.

So far the only way I’ve made this work — is when i was out with her + other friends, saw a girl across the bar that I had picked up the week before, and made her go over — make friends with the new girl (”randomly”) — then acted like it was a coincidence later on (oh my god — you’re friends with so and so too?)

Any ideas?

My Answer:

You answered your own question. Cut her loose. Hang out with her once every two weeks at most. I had the same problem, hanging out with three lady friends. With them i felt like they were watching and judging me. Eventually I ditched them and got some guy friends and had a lot more success. Knowing girls, she will give you slight cutting remarks that discourage you and plus you won’t be able to go balls out because you will wonder what she thinks. Pick up is hard enough—you don’t need that on your shoulder.

I’m sure you can somehow introduce her into your game to help, but she won’t help you more than with a proper wingman. Lady friends kill game.

It would be a waste to spend all that time approaching and talking to get her number and then blow it on the phone or through your text messages. Make it easy for yourself by learning the best practices that save you energy and ensure most numbers turn into first dates. In my book Bang I lay out a very detailed strategy on how to work the phone when you get numbers. Click here to learn more...

How To Pick Up Girls Who Speak A Different Language

Here’s a reader question about trying to pick up girls who speak a different language.

Roosh,

In Miami most of my potential victims have little or no english skills. My spanish is borderlines on caveman, but I understand plenty and are able to get me needs understood. What do you think?

My Answer:

Four options:

1. Learn Spanish. Go to Isohunt and download the Pimsleur Spanish courses
2. Bring along a prop. Maybe a dog? Tarot cards?
3. Set up a crude palm reading stand. I image that would be fun
4. Find a new place to meet girls!

I feel your pain though: you have this untapped supply of women and you can do nothing about it. I had this same problem in South America but i was doing this in bars and clubs. The music made the pauses less painful and there was alcohol and a dance floor to help things. I found that a digital camera to show them pictures showed my value while continuing the interaction.

Approaching is the hardest part of the game. Unless you know what you are doing it will take hundreds of tries to get master it through trial and error (I should know because that's how I learned). If you're working on your approaching skills then check out my book Bang, which tells you how to do it from start to end. Click here to learn more...

How To Pick Up Girls On The Street

Picking up girls on the street is easier than you think. The first thought that comes to your mind may be, “Girls don’t feel comfortable being hit on the street by random men.” Maybe, maybe not, but girls love being hit on by men who make them feel attraction and give them good conversation, which is what we’re going to do.

I’m writing this a day after I got the number of an 8/8.5 (according to my friends rating) who was walking alone late early Tuesday evening in Washington DC. Let me explain how I did it so you can go out there and do it yourself. While you’re reading see if you can pick out the pattern to why it worked.

I spot a very cute girl walking towards us from the opposite direction. The time was around 8pm. My two friends didn’t know I was going to approach her so they sort of drifted off to the side and talked amongst themselves fifteen feet away while the whole thing happened.

I stopped when she was about five feet away from me and said, “Hey, do you by chance know a good place to hang out around… a bar that has more than five guys?”

She smiles and comes to a stop. Then she starts throwing out the name of bars. I playfully shot down all her choices as not being cool and fun enough. In fact I already knew all the bars in the area.

After about 90 seconds of talking about places to go, I said, “Well, me and my friends are looking for a bride, a cool chick that maybe we can marry hopefully soon. We were hoping one of these bars would do it.” She laughed. Then she mentioned one more bar name. I said, “We just came from around there and it’s pretty dead tonight. But actually you know what… I saw you walking and just wanted to flirt with you.” She gave off one of those ‘A-Ha I knew it!’ smiles.

The energy of the conversation changed for the better and without too much of a pause I asked her where she was coming from. I completely dropped my initial intention of looking for a bar and just kept the conversation going like I would if I started talking to her inside one.

I played two quick and fun guessing games:

First: “Judging by your accent, I’m getting a half-German and half-Norwegian vibe.” If you’ve read Bang you’ll see I adapted an opener for use as a routine. She says no, she’s actually from New York, and I smile and say, “Are you sure? I don’t know, maybe a little Russian too.”

Second: “And by the way, how old are you?” She replied, “Old enough to get into a club.” I said, “Haha wait wait, you’re that young? No really…” She says 20. You’ll never meet a young girl who doesn’t like an older man, so I played it up instantly. I said, “Well I hope you like older men, because I’m greying over here.” She said, “Actually I do.”

I ask her where she is going and tell her to join us later if she has a fake ID. I add, “Well if I don’t see you tonight, next time I come out I can text you so we can meet up.” This is a “soft” close in that I don’t explicitly ask for the date like I would normally do. It’s one of those judgment calls you’ll make, but based on my experience and her vibe it seemed like the best option. She asked me for my name and I asked for hers and then I took out my cell phone. She told me her number. We talked for about seven minutes total.

If it looks easy that’s because it was easy. Only thing is that it’s rare to see very attractive girls walking like that in DC alone. So guys only do street game approaches on Friday or Saturday nights on drunk girls in big groups. You won’t get anywhere doing that and that’s where many guys develop a “Street game doesn’t work” belief.

Let’s identify the key reasons why my approach worked.

1. DISARM. The street has a lot of crazies, so you need to disarm her in the first second and let her know you are just a cool guy. You do this with very relaxed body language, talking slow, and asking for help. It’s hard for anyone to resist helping someone, and if you’ve ever been a tourist in a strange land you’ll understand the human desire to be helpful. This is our “in.”

2. GET OVER THE HUMP. In street game there is a 30 second hump. If she stops to talk to you for half a minute then she can stop and talk indefinitely. I shot her bar choices down so the clock would keep ticking.

3. MAKE HER LAUGH. It doesn’t have to be with great jokes, but you need to keep the energy light and fun, like you would in any other pick up. I used the “bride” joke which I made up on the spot (and actually have used since then). A couple jokes are okay but don’t turn this into comedy hour. When she recommended bars, I would say something like, “Oh that’s too yuppie” or “Hmm yeah that bar has scary people in it.”

4. BOLD MOVE. Every street game approach needs the bold move, a statement of intent which tells her that you are not actually looking for help but want to get to know her. You must make this shift!! Or else it will come across as weird that you need help and all of a sudden asking for her number. Note that we don’t necessarily do this in bar game (instead we just start touching).

“Roosh, but isn’t this more of direct game? I thought you only advocate indirect game.”

Street game is one of those exceptions, but keep in mind that saying you want to flirt with her is barely direct. It’s not like saying, “Actually I saw how beautiful you were and I just had to talk to you.” That’s too much. If you don’t know how comfortable you feel telling her you wanted to flirt with her, try this instead: “Actually I saw you walking towards me and I just wanted to talk to you.” Same idea. If you already sense some attraction, like I did, going a little more direct gives her that warm-and-fuzzy feeling inside, where she thinks, “Yes! This random guy who I think I like probably likes me too.”

5. BUILD ATTRACTION. Once you are done with the statement of intent, build the attraction a little more with teasing. To set the stage for that, ask basic questions about herself, or do guessing games like I did.

6. CLOSE. This is where you use your initial opener to close her. For example say it’s during the day and on your college campus you ask for the best place to have ice cream. When it’s time to close say, “Well I have to to run, but how about some time soon we try so-and-so ice cream shop.” If you asked her for a pizza place, then you would ask her if she wants to have pizza some time. It feels natural that you called back your initial question. I used bars on this girl, so for me it was saying to hang out for a drink.

It’s not a bad idea to go for the instant date. I asked my girl where she was headed and she said to meet up with friends, so I knew there was no instant date. If your girl doesn’t seem to be doing anything then ask her if she wants to join you for the ice cream, the pizza, or the drink. If she declines, say, “That’s fine, how about some other time?” If she agrees, take out your cell phone. If you’re talking to a girl for at least three minutes on the street you’d be a fool not to go for some sort of close. Just pull the trigger and go for it.

This is as easy as it sounds. Go out and do it.

If you’re looking for some more help on how approaches are structured and what to say during the conversation, then I recommend my book Bang. It has 64 pages on Early Game that focus exclusively on the approach and immediate conversation. I share dozens of conversation ideas and teach you the concept of threads to keep things going without having an awkward silence. For more on the book click here…