There’s a reason why, when two things are really different, people say “it’s like night and day.” Night and day are about as opposite as it gets. This is also the case for the corresponding type of game you should run during them. Something that seems perfectly reasonable in a night club will get you drummed out of Starbucks during the day. Night game and day game are two very different animals. Yet, a lot of guys who know something about how to approach a girl in the safety of a dark room will try to do basically the same thing in a bookstore or subway, only to be perplexed when the girl ignores his texts or walks away from him mid-sentence. Part of being a well-rounded man is understanding these different knowledges and abilities. I don’t need to tell you that confining yourself to one type of venue or part of the day can seriously limit your success. Neither type of game is easier or harder, just different.
During the day…
1. Simplicity is king.
Elaborate openers and dramatic behavior can sometimes yield results in the night-club environment, especially when they’re unique and do a good job of getting a girl’s attention. The same goes for what you wear. A loud article might get you noticed, as long as it’s not too ridiculous. But, during the day, these sorts of things will get you written off as weird and, nine times out of ten, will scare the girl off. Your goal is to spark mild, gradually increasing intrigue, not to create a big splash.
2. Shields are down (or rather, different shields are up).
When a girl gets ready to out at night, she assembles an elaborate costume that often makes her look nothing like herself: an impractically short dress, high heels, straightened hair, tons of make-up, and jewelry. With every layer that she slaps on, her confidence grows. By the time she walks out the door, she has a “girl swagger” borne from “knowing she looks good.” Even an ugly, fat girl’s sense of worth will be a few clicks higher after donning her costume.
This is worsened by being with a group of girlfriends who are all dressed that way and constantly validate each other’s “sexiness” by telling one another, successfully get noticed through attention-whoring, and then repeatedly reject guys who are fawning attention on them. With every rejection, her confidence climbs higher. It’s a vicious, self-reinforcing loop.
During the day, this form of “night courage” is greatly diminished, even if a girl is well dressed. What you get instead is a greater suspiciousness toward strangers and reluctance to engage in conversation. A girl’s “weirdness” meter is at full sensitivity; even the slightest awkwardness can set it off. This is why the best day-game approaches are ones that are gradual, gentle, and unfold organically.
3. Outcomes are more modest.
The reason guys still go out at night is because you can do major damage pretty quickly. If you’ve done things right, it’s not unreasonable to be making out with a girl 30 minutes after you’ve met her in a bar. Alcohol is a powerful social lubricant that, when combined with the cover of darkness and loud music, provides a powerful atmosphere for sex. This will rarely happen at a bookstore. It’s not uncommon to take a girl home the same night you met her at a bar, but even getting an “insta-date” (where you go somewhere else with a girl) is quite rare during the day. What you get at the end of a vast majority of well-executed day approaches is a warm lead (in the form of a phone number) that you can later convert into something more.
4. Indicators of interest are far more subtle.
In the safety of the bar atmosphere, a girl will do all sorts of things that she would never think of doing during the day. At night, a girl who’s even somewhat interested in you might: grind against your erect phallus for 45 minutes on the dance floor, kiss you on the cheek for no reason, tell you you’re cute, grab your arm when you make her laugh, or perform a multitude of similar behaviors. This simply won’t happen during the day, where asking you a personal question about what you do, holding eye contact while you’re talking, or grinning for a straight minute might be really good signs.
5. Groups are harder to penetrate.
In a club, you can come up to a group of three girls, chat them up for a few minutes, make them laugh, and eventually angle to isolate your target for long enough to kiss her or to persuade her to leave with you. During the day, a group of girls is nearly impossible to break up. The exception is a retail environment, where a group may temporary split up to browse the shelves, but even this is rare. Generally speaking, you will have more success with individual girls, though exceptions do occur.
A big part of being successful during the day is to understand these and other differences, and to adapt your day game accordingly. Keep these in mind and you will greatly expand your pool of available girls.
Even if you’re a beginner, your texting skills will sooner or later net you actual dates with girls. But getting a girl to go out with you doesn’t mean your hard work is over; you’ve merely moved into the next level of the video game, which carries with it its own set of enemies and bosses. Unlike your previous interactions with the girl, the date is a complex, extended exchange with many variables to consider. There’s a fine line between a poorly executed date, where the girl never contacts you again, and a successful one, where you have sex with the girl or situate things so it can happen on a subsequent date.
A lot of what determines this is simple logistics: the what/where/when of your planning and execution. The underlying principle of good logistics is, in the simplest terms, always planning with sex in mind. Even if your dates don’t lead to sex—and they often won’t—planning for the best-case scenario will make you more successful, more often.
Good date-logistics start with the basics: choosing a suitable venue and time. There’s no perfect place, so don’t obsess over this. Don’t plan anything complicated, distracting, or otherwise gratuitous, like skydiving or horseback riding. Since you’re supposed to be “getting to know each other,” you’re not going to raise any eyebrows by selecting a simple bar or night lounge. Night is always better than day. And it’s always best to go to a place that serves alcohol, since coffee-shop or restaurant dates rarely lead to any kind of intimacy. Your goal is to establish a mood.
Coffee shops simply don’t provide the atmosphere for physical escalation. When was the last time you saw a guy make out with a girl at Starbucks? Restaurants are even worse. A girl with a full stomach is a girl with an empty vagina. The digestion process pulls blood away from the reproductive organs for both of you—especially if it’s a heavy meal with tons of cheese and meat. So even if she wanted to have sex before the meal, she’s not going to want to while she’s busy digesting and secretly farting every five minutes. Food also absorbs alcohol. So even if you drink eating, she’s not going to get into that relaxed, fun mood that is conducive to sex.
Schedule your dates after standard dinner time. If you end up in a place where they serve food, and the girl announces she’s hungry, say “you get food, I already ate.” She’ll likely get something small, so she doesn’t appear like a total porker in front of you—or will ask you to split something with her, where you can further control the selection. (The exception, of course, is if she’s fat, where she’s already demonstrated little shame in her eating behavior, as telegraphed by her sloppy physique that loudly advertises her love for food to the entire world.) Best case: avoid places that serve anything beyond light “tapas.”
Some bars are definitely better than others. It’s best if you already have venues in mind that are cool, comfortable, not too crowded or loud, and most importantly, conveniently located. That “perfect bar” that requires taking three buses or driving 45 minutes on the interstate to get there is going to do you no good. Ideally, you want to choose a venue from which you can easily and comfortably move to your place (or hers). It doesn’t need to be next door (this, in fact, might seem a little too transparent), but it should be accessible. Oftentimes, the only thing that keeps a girl from coming home with you is that it’s somehow difficult, time-consuming, or awkward. You need to anticipate and remove as many of those objections ahead of time as you can.
Smart venue selection can make all the difference between a memorable night with your date and another night of jerking off to Internet porn. Plan ahead and reap your rewards.
One of the basic realities of life is that no guy—no matter how famous, good-looking, or knowledgeable about game—has a 100-percent success rate. Everyone gets rejected sooner or later. Even Johnny Depp has millions of girls who wouldn’t bang him. The frustrating part of the rejection reality isn’t that it exists, is that it can happen anywhere in the process, at any time. A girl can go cold seemingly out of the blue. One of the most common places where it happens is after getting a girl’s phone number.
We’ve all been there. You met a girl out, and you did everything “right”: maybe you rubbed your boner against her for half-an-hour to some shitty music; you had her laughing at all your well-honed stories; maybe you even made out with her in the corner. You correctly tried to bounce from the bar with her, but she didn’t “want to leave her friends.” But she practically threw her number at you and you figured you had this one on lock-down. Then, after following the classic text conventions, you get nothing. There are a million ways this scenario plays out, but the theme is the same: guy has number, things look good, and the girl goes dark.
To fully comprehend this situation, you have to understand what you’re up against. Girls nowadays give out their numbers like candy. There are multiple reasons for this. For one, it’s the path of least resistance. Think about it: the quickest way to get a guy off your case is to give him your number, comfortably extricate yourself from the situation, and then just ignore his lobs. Girls avoid confrontation and awkwardness at all costs. But that only explains a situation where they don’t like the guy. What about when she showed clear signs of attraction?
We’re living in a world of endless distractions. The deadly combination of Facebook, ever-shrinking attention-spans, and the inherently flakey nature of young girls (especially American ones) conspire to create a bad situation. Cute girls have unlimited options. In other words, there’s a good chance you weren’t the only guy who rubbed your boner against her that weekend. What’s more, girls are forgetful. She could have fantasized about being impregnated by you the night she met you, but within an hour she forgot about that because she got a text from some other guy. This is a double-edged sword that can work to your advantage as much as it can hurt you, as we shall see.
So what do you do when a girl doesn’t reply to your text? Well first, let’s cover what you shouldn’t do. First off, resist the temptation of chasing down your text with a follow-up because you think, “she obviously didn’t get it.” She got it. Today’s girl is glued to her phone 24/7, and she’s reading and replying to texts constantly. The odds that the ether swallowed up your text before it got to her iPhone 9 are infinitesimal. Get that out of your head. Secondly, don’t go to the other extreme and do what a lot of experienced players mistakenly do: immediately delete her number and write her off. Remember: effectively texting girls requires a Zen-like patience that is counter-intuitive to our hunting nature. Just chill.
A certain percentage of the time just forgetting about your text is enough. I’ve had girls reply to me, literally, days later. We end up making plans, and I end up banging them in the long run. But a lot of the time that doesn’t happen. That’s where the re-start text comes in.
The restart text is basically simple text volley that aims at resurrecting a conversation that’s gone cold. It can work at any stage in your interaction with a girl: when all you have is the phone number; when you’ve gone out once but things fizzled; and even after you’ve banged her and lost touch with her because you moved on voluntarily. The important precursor is that you fully allow the conversation to actually go cold. I rarely send a restart text sooner than 10 days than my last communication. The goal of the restart text, simply told, is to re-spark the intrigue the girl presumably felt for you at some point. That’s all. It’s not a logical appeal to re-contact you because “you thought you had a good time.” This is where a girl’s forgetfulness works to your advantage. By the time you come around a second time, she’s likely forgotten about some stupid thing you said that made her stop contacting you in the first place, or about the other guy who temporarily knocked you out of the first-place position. Often it’s just as simple as catching a girl when she’s more amenable to having sex.
Two Different Types of Restart Texts
The restart text is an art that you have to customize to your own style and to each situation, but these are some basic techniques to get you started. Create your own text following these approaches.
1. The Mistaken Identity. This is probably the oldest, and most transparent, approach. Girls, especially the smarter ones, can sometimes see right through this one—even though that doesn’t mean it won’t work. After all, it’s all about plausible deniability. The important part is to make it clear that it wasn’t intended for her. It’s also nice to embed some juicy bait that she just won’t be able to resist.
Example: “sorry I’m running late, homie. got into argument with andy’s ugly sister. u were right about her!”
2. The Non Sequitur. This is basically a random, brief particle that will sufficiently stir a girl’s nosy instinct into inquiring further. Don’t make it creepy or gratuitously weird. The key is to wedge yourself into that nosy part of a girl’s brain that makes eavesdropping, celebrity gossip, and “mysterious guy” in the room irresistible to her.
Example: “it was $20.”
If she responds, you should follow that up with something like “oops, wrong person.”, adding a juicy tid-bit to have her respond a second time, like “wait, who’s this?” Once you re-activate the conversation, don’t make the mistake of bringing up your prior interaction or immediately revealing your identity or intentions (to plan a date). Also, don’t text endlessly with her. Dangle the carrot for a while—leaving gaps of different lengths between texts—get her interested, and plan to “meet up.” Keep it simple.
A lot of the time, the restart text won’t work. But it should definitely be part of your arsenal. You’ll be delightfully surprised when you re-capture a seemingly lost prospect with this simple, nearly effortless, technique.
If you’re like me, you’ve spent a lot of time in cities with droves of panhandling homeless people. In fact, for a significant part of my life, it’s been nearly impossible for me to get from Point A to Point B without being hit up for change at least once. Sometimes, I’d get asked for money by the same person on the way to my destination and on the return trip. With that much practice, one thing you get pretty good at doing is identifying the different techniques these guys use. There aren’t that many and, even when a guy is trying to be subtle about it, he usually telegraphs some sign that sets off your I’m-about-to-get-asked-for-money alert system.
Another area you hone is your arsenal of ways to say no. You can turn them down verbally, with a simple “sorry” or “I don’t have any” excuse; more gently, by giving a subtle “no” head-shake or shrugging-of-the-shoulders; or by preventing the interaction altogether, by speeding up or avoiding eye contact. Your skills improve with every solicitation. I had a friend who even figured out a way to stop his car just the right way at freeway entrances, so that when panhandlers approached his car, he could keep it crawling long enough for the light to turn green.
So what does all of this have to do with being a player?
I call it the homeless alarm. That same feeling you get when you absolutely know you’re about to get hit up for change by a homeless guy during the day—while just trying to go about your business—is the same feeling a cute girl gets when a “random guy” approaches her with low-quality or sloppy game. It doesn’t take much to set off that alarm and, because you can’t unring that bell, you want to avoid it at all costs. It automatically makes it a lot less likely that you’re going to get any “money” out of her.
Even if she’s pretty young, she’s lived with bad game for years, and pretty much knows all the common, lame approaches average guys use. And, just like my friend’s car-crawling technique, she’s developed a set of techniques of her own for dismissing each of them quickly or, in most cases, avoiding the situation entirely. Even when a guy tries to be subtle about these crappy moves, she instinctively knows he wants something from her, and that he has little to offer in return besides an extended, open hand. She may listen for two seconds, but she’s actively looking for a way to get out of the discussion.
So how do you avoid setting off the homeless alarm?
Top-notch day game hinges on subtlety. Approaching girls during the day isn’t the same as being in a nightclub, where being direct and to-the-point about your intentions is not usually a problem and, in fact, often gets you results. In a way, this is what makes day game easier. So much of being successful during the daytime is about being in a mindset that probably more closely resembles your natural state: just having a regular, innocent conversation with “no intentions” going in.
When you approach a girl during the day, you have to think like a panhandler trying to avoid the setting off that alarm with the same, tired, transparent techniques every other guy on your block uses to try to get people to give up the change. You don’t want to look or seem “homeless.” It’s a sad testament, but if a clean, cool, well-spoken guy came up to you, chatted you up naturally, made you laugh, and after a while said, “hey, man, can I bum fifty cents off of you? I just realized I’m a little short for a sandwich,” you’d probably give it to him.
Be that guy. Don’t set off a girl’s homeless alarm until well into your conversation, after she’s already comfortable with you. You’ll be surprised at the “change” you collect by the end of the day.